Full Exclusive Rights (bxb)

47. What If...

   Your SUPPORT always prompts me to write better.

   ***

   I'm tossing and turning, making Emma snort and throw displeased glances at me.

   I'm too excited to fall asleep. The thoughts are buzzing in my head, leaving me restless.

   "Emma," I finally mumble, "he told me that... you know... he's in love with me".

   "Really? Wow, this is already something! Why didn't you start with it?" She immediately puts the book away and turns to face me. "And what did you do?"

   "The stupidest thing possible, as usual," I huff. "I told him that I don't want to hear it."

   "Oh, sweetie!" She strokes my cheek. "It's not stupid. I know why you did it. But you're smart enough to see that he has nothing in common with..."

   "Don't say it!" I shriek terrified.

   Goosebumps raise on every single spot of my skin. My breathing immediately gets choppy and I grab her hand, squeezing it harshly, trying to stop the anxiety.

   "Hey, it's ok!" Emma quickly retorts. "I wasn't going to say it, honey. I'm not that dumb. Calm down!"

   Despite her words, I'm struggling to take a breath.

   "Listen to me! I want you to imagine Em's face," she says insistently. I look at her questioningly but she just shakes her head. "Do it, Sunny!"

   I close my eyes and try to picture his features. I see clearly his blue eyes, the dimpled smile and the raven hair, falling on his milky white cheek. I hear his voice in my head, 'I'm here, my lovely. You don't have to be afraid of anything anymore. I'll be here for you. Always.'

   Suddenly, I'm able to breathe again. The noise in my ears quiets and I start to relax. A hesitant smile tries to make its way on my lips.

   "You see," Emma utters quietly. "Em makes you happy. He chases away the bad thoughts. He's exactly what you need."

   I only nod in agreement and finally smile wider.

   But the dark cloud is still over my head.

   "And yet, you never know what he'd do if he was in that... situation," I mutter.

   "Sunny," Emma grunts disapprovingly, "you can't think that way! It's not fair to judge people, putting them in extraordinary circumstances which will most likely never happen."

   I know she's right. Does something terrible have to happen to see someone's reaction before I trust them? I'm aware how stupid this is.

   "I'm sorry! I can't help asking myself 'What if...' all the time," I sigh, "I always suspect that even the best person will eventually hurt me."

   "Sweetie, you know that this is post-traumatic thinking. If you judge things logically, you'll clearly see that the signs were there before... it happened. It was clear that... he... can't be trusted." 

   She squeezes my trembling hands and frowns. "That jerk didn't have what it takes to love anyone, although he kept repeating the words. He isn't a good person, Sunny."

   Emma stares at me insistently and adds. "And Em is! I don't have the slightest doubt about it. Do you?"

   "No!" I quickly answer. "He's the kindest person I've met."

   "Can you point one single feature of his character that resembles in any way to... you know...?" she insists.

   "I don't," I whisper, finally realizing it myself. "He has absolutely nothing in common with...," my voice fades. I don't want to say, even think of the name.

   "Finally!" Emma exclaims victoriously. "Now let me ask you one more thing. Do you hesitate to trust me because you don't know what I would do if it was me there?"

   She tilts her head, waiting for my answer.

   "Of course not!" I immediately assure her. "I trust you with my life, Emma."

   I kiss her cheek to show that I'm fully convinced in what I say.

   This is one of the most difficult conversations I've had since I stopped seeing my therapist. Emma smiles reassuringly.

"Well, all I'm saying is that you need to see clearly Em as he is. Don't let fear twist your perceptions. Don't push him away because you had bad experience with someone that doesn't even deserve to breathe the same air with you."

   She's looking into my eyes, determined to make me understand.

   "You don't need tragedy to judge if someone is trustworthy. Let your feelings guide you. Trust yourself to make the right choice. You won't make the same mistake twice."

   She hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear, "Be happy, Sunny. I want you to be happy again."

   My phone is ringing. The sound is slowly dragging me out of the drowse.

   I've fallen asleep, cuddled with Emma after our eye-opening, but highly disturbing conversation.

   Through the blurriness of my sleepy mind, the truth suddenly strikes me and makes my heart jump.

   I open my eyes abruptly, gasping in surprise.

   I'm sure about it. I've never been surer about anything in my life.

   "Sunny, are you ok, honey? Did you have a bad dream? It's not dark outside yet." Emma raises her head next to me with concern in her eyes.

   I only shake my head.

   "I love him," I blurt. "Emma, I love him. I'm absolutely sure." I'm awed by the sound of it and gaze at her with wide eyes. "I love Em."

   Emma starts to laugh, ruffling my hair.

   "I know, Sunny. What did you think? You fell in love with him the moment he took you in his arms on the first day at the University. It was crystal clear. I just wasn't sure when exactly you'll gather some courage to admit it to yourself."

   "What do you mean?" I frown. "Was it so obvious?"

   "Of course, it was, my cutie. You've never been able to hide what's in your heart. It's all written on your face and I'm an expert in reading it," she grins. "Now, would you answer the phone before your boyfriend gets desperate? If you wait a little longer, I won't be surprised by him appearing right at the front door."

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Photo by Nothing Ahead from Pexels

A/N

Hello everyone at the end of Chapter 47!

Thank you for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤

You're amazing!

Are you intrigued who Sunny and Emma are talking about and what happened in Sunny's past? 🤔🤔🤔

Any ideas?

I'll be very happy to hear more theories from you.

What about Sunny's realization that he loves Em?

Do you think he'll find the courage to tell him? 💕💕💕

Share your thoughts, be free to express yourself and criticize, if you feel it's necessary.

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See you in the next chapter.

Love: Anny