A Leap of Faith (Part 1)

Chapter 34 - Lena's Decision

Since Lena ran away from Kara and Alura's apartment on Sunday evening, after Alura called her momma, for the second time, Lena has just been shutting herself off from everything and everyone, besides work. Lena worked all day on Monday from her private lab, even doing stuff that had nothing to do with lab work. Lena did this because she honestly didn't want Kara to just stop by out of the blue, and so she could keep up with the lie that there was some major issue at L-Corp that she has had to deal with.

Of course on Monday Kara did text Lena to ask if everything was okay, and also to ask if she had time to have lunch with her. Lena for her part replied to Kara and lied through her teeth, saying that she was in the thick of it at the moment, and that she wouldn't have time for anything else for the next few days. Kara replied that she wasn't happy about it, and would like to see Lena, but she did seem to accept the lie, at the very least.

So, Lena just kept herself in her private lab to isolate herself while she just focused heavily on the work that she needed to do. Obviously it is a total lie that there was some major issue that Lena needed to, and still needs to, attend to, so Lena has just been using her time to work through all the stuff she needs to, as the work of a CEO is never done. Lena keeps on working because as long as she works her attention is focused on her work and the business matters related to L-Corp, and not on the terrifying realisation that Alura considers her, her momma.

Lena works for two solid days, not even leaving L-Corp, on the Monday and the Tuesday. It is however on the Tuesday evening that she receives a text from Kara that finally pulls her out of her shear focus on her work.

Kara (to Lena): I know you are busy. But are you still planning to give the talk at Alura's school tomorrow?

Kara: It's fine if you are not. Mrs Landingham just needs to know beforehand.

Kara: So if you are too busy I can just fill in for you, which is what Mrs Landingham has suggested.

Lena takes a moment to look down at the text she has received from Kara, and she immediately feels guilty. Of course part of Lena really wants to tell Kara that yes she is far too busy to go to Alura's school to give the talk as part of the women in the work place thing. But then another part of Lena really doesn't want to disappoint Alura's sweet teacher Mrs Landingham, and from Kara's texts, Lena can tell that Kara is a bit worried too. So, Lena knows that she really can't just continue to hide away and not give the talk that has been asked of her. Lena thinks that giving the talk is the least she can do. But then at the same time Lena is aware that Alura will be in the audience, and Lena really isn't sure how to deal with that. So, Lena just realises that before she can make a decision, she finally needs to actually explore the panic within herself, and unbox it, just so she can find a method to deal with it.

Lena takes a deep breath, composing herself, opening herself up again, and unpacking all those boxes. Lena thinks back to the two moments when Alura referred to her as 'momma', and how it made her feel. Lena feels intense panic and anxiety about it. Lena knows why she feels this way, with it all being brought on by her screwed up childhood and Lillian's words in her ear. But even though Lena knows why she is panicked by this, she doesn't know how to move forward and deal with it.

Lena sits in her lab and thinks long and hard about the whole situation. It is an uncomfortable experience as it causes Lena to constantly relieve the two moments where Alura called her momma, and all the emotions that came with it. It is all very draining, and as the evening progresses it just makes Lena more and more tired. Eventually however, at about 11PM Lena has a breakthrough. Lena thinks that sometimes for you to move forward, you have to take a couple of steps back, and maybe that can be applied to her situation with Alura. For Lena this means that for herself to move forward with both Kara and Alura, she has to first take a couple of steps back with Alura. This means that Lena needs to take a few steps back from Alura calling her momma, so she can just be Lena again. But at the same time Lena knows that this will be a delicate process. Lena is well aware that she can't just sit Alura down and tell her 'please don't call me momma', that would be far too direct, and elicit many questions from the five-year-old. Lena thinks that she has to be more tactful as to how to deal with the situation. That is when an idea begins to form, that perhaps how to deal with Alura calling her momma is to not reinforce that behaviour. This would mean that if in the future Lena were to hear Alura call her momma, she would just ignore her, and pretend that she is just referring to Kara. Lena thinks that then, eventually Alura would just result back to calling her Lena to get her attention, thereby allowing Lena to take the few steps back.