A Leap of Faith (Part 1)

Chapter 40 - Uncontrollable Rage

The next day, Kara wakes up as has been usual over the last week, and only feels a small amount of anger for Lena once more. As usual, Kara just thinks she has cooled off from being extremely angry at the brunette from the day prior, while she was just letting her rage bubble up at work. Kara still has absolutely no idea that her rage/anger is being massively exasperated by James drugging her. All Kara believes is that she still just doesn't have a handle on her emotions, and she is still very annoyed at Lena. She just hopes that as time passes, her rage will decrease, as living like this, even in the middle of when she thinks it's justified, just isn't nice. Kara doesn't think she is an angry person, or full or repressed rage or anything. Of course Kara has been through so much in her life that it would be understandable if that were the case. Kara could just have a bunch of repressed rage from being the sole survivor of anyone who had lived on Krypton before the planet exploded, with Clark not really counting, as he was only just born before everything happened. Then Kara could also be carrying anger from the fact that not only did her planet explode, but her parents sent her away placing such a heavy burden on her shoulders to care for her baby cousin, even though she was only 13. Then Kara could also have repressed anger because for a while when she got to Earth, she just thought she had failed the one thing her parents had asked of her. For a long time Kara blamed herself for being trapped in the Phantom Zone for 24 years, and not being able to raise Kal-El. It was actually Eliza who finally got her to realise that it wasn't her fault. Kara believed that maybe if she hadn't spent as long a time saying goodbye to her parents, her pod would have left Krypton right alongside Kal's. But Eliza told her that she couldn't have known that, and even if she had known, she should have still spent those final moments with her parents, as otherwise if she didn't even get to say a quick goodbye, it would have just eaten her up inside for the rest of her life. But even though Kara is aware that she could be a person that has a lot of repressed anger and rage because of all those events that have transpired, as well as others, she doesn't feel that is the case. Kara believes that she has a very positive outlook on life, and through the years she has been able to deal with all her issues with the loving support of Eliza and Alex. Kara knows that having Alex and Eliza to support her, and talk with, no matter how insignificant she may have thought the issue may be, was better than any therapy. It may have taken Alex a while to warm up to Kara, but once she did, she was, and still is, Kara's rock. So because of all that, Kara really doesn't understand where her sudden rage and anger, which seems uncontrollable, has come from. All Kara can really put it down to is that she hasn't ever experience romantic love before, only with Lena, and this may just be the feelings that come as a result of the pain caused by it.

After Kara wakes, she does her usual morning routine of getting herself ready and then Alura, and then walking Alura to school before heading off to CatCo. Alura is still upset over everything, and Kara knows that is a reasonable response, as Alura obviously became very attached to Lena, so not seeing her again is really hurting the girl. There are times when Kara considers that maybe she could just let Alura see Lena again, on her own, on brief small visits without her being present. But whenever Kara has those thoughts after she drops Alura off at school, they soon die down as the anger towards Lena builds inside her throughout the day.

Today, as usual, Kara arrives at CatCo and gets on with her day, just trying to focus her mind on her work for now. Kara has found recently that she feels the most at peace at the beginning of the work day, as it is when her mind is the most focused, and she is not as angry. Kara thinks this might be because on most days she gets to CatCo, then about an hour in is called away on some Supergirl activity, which ultimately may just trigger everything for Kara. After all, even though Kara has not seen Lena since the day she tried to come to her apartment, she is still wearing the Supergirl suit that Lena made for her, so it acts as a reminder every day. Then even on mornings when Kara isn't called away on a Supergirl activity, Kara has found that as the day progresses, she just gets worse. Kara just thinks this is because, while she may not have to go and do a Supergirl activity, the stress of expecting it may act just as much as a trigger as the Supergirl activity itself.