Throat Knife | Y.Jw

| 45 |

I let out a small groan by the intense headache that returned to my head once my eyes opened again in a pitch black car. I immediately tried to sit up only to be hold down by a weight on my waist.

"It's just me... just me," Jungwon quietly whispered making my rapid breathing slow down once more, "calm down."

"What happened?" I whispered as I slowly leaned back against him once more.

"You passed out," he excused, "I think it was too much for you. We're at least an hour's drive away from the border we're safe from them here... what happened to you? What did they do?"

"Do you have a knife?" I questioned him as I quickly sat up and got out of his grip, "I need a knife."

"I am not giving you one," Jungwon sternly replied making me grab down to my boots and quickly pull one of my knives up, "Ji what the fuck are you doing?"

"I can't do this shit," I shook my head as I reached up and turned on the light in the roof of the car.

"Are you insane, that will drag attention," he hissed as he quickly moved over towards me.

"Don't you dare turn it off. If something pulls more attention than that, then it is my screams," I warned and pointed the knife at him, making him immediately back away again.

"What are you even gonna do?" he questioned in confusion.

"I need to get back to my senses," I muttered and he just gave me a puzzled look, "I am getting my senses back to me no matter how many times I'm gonna have to cut."

"No way are you gonna cut in yourself," he immediately shook his head and grabbed the knife from me, "that is selfharm and it is not gonna do any good, all it's gonna do is give you scars for the rest of your life."

"You don't have a say in this, you're not the one going slowly insane and imagining stuff," I pointed out making him sigh and just raise his eyebrows at me.

"No but I might have a solution that is a lot less painful," he pointed out and I frowned at him, "you're always imagining stuff about Jay hyung and Sunghoon hyung. If we get you back to Sunghoon hyung and rest after the sorrow of losing Jay hyung you might actually get better."

"That's stupid" I muttered in realization as I slumped back against the cardoor behind me before rubbing my face in my hands, "it won't work-"

"But what if it does," Jungwon interrupted and I just looked at him.

"I'm sorry didn't you he-" I started and he just nodded.

"I am not letting you cut in yourself to distract your mind with pain,," Jungwon pointed out and I frowned at him, "I don't care if you've been used to that. This is not something that's gonna happen as long as you're with me, and that'll be until the day I die."

"Fine," I muttered in realization and Jungwon immediately nodded at me, "why do they want to torment you?"

"I... I don't know," Jungwon whispered as he slumped back again, a deep frown growing on his face.

"You're lying," I pointed out and he just nodded.

"I am... but I don't want you to know," he corrected as I just sat and stared at him, "it's the same as you and your nightmares."

I let out a deep sigh before rubbing my hands over my face and giving him a small nod. He just needed time to gather himself about it.

"I want it to stop Jungwon," I whispered making him hum before carefully moving closer to me and sitting up on the actual backseat as he just softly carressed my hair.

"What do you want to stop?" he questioned, making me realize there was a whole lot of things I wished would stop.

"Just everything," I whispered and he hummed at me.

"Come up here," Jungwon sighed and reached over to pull me even closer to him and softly push my head down onto his shoulder, "you know you've changed since I found you."

"And I hate it..." I muttered making him just turn his head towards me.

"Why?" he questioned.

"I mean... it's nice having some sort of safe place and people that make me feel comfortable... but I also feel weak because of suddenly being so depending on the base," I excused as I looked down at my hands a laugh immediately breaking free from Jungwon.

"Weak? Are you kidding me?" he questioned in disbelief as I looked at him with a clueless look, "Ji, you literally fought a grown ass man to the ground like two hours ago! How is that weak?!"

"I don't like that you see me vulnerable," I sighed and looked out at my surroundings, "I want to be as annoying as I always was. I don't want to always have you see me like this."

"What I am seeing is the aftermath of being alone for too long," he shook his head at me, "you're in no way weak."

"I don't like people seeing me when I'm vulnerable," I whispered and lifted my head to look up at Jungwon, his face already quite close to mine as he looked down at me.

"I like seeing you like that," he muttered as a smalll frown spread on my face, "it makes you human. Weakness is human."

"Then I don't like being human," I commented as a small smile spread on his face.

"Being human is the best thing about you though," he reminded making me just stare up at him, "and I mean it."

"Why don't we bicker and fight anymore?" I questioned in realization that it had been long since we've actually had one of those times.

"I got what I wanted. I don't see the reason to continue that again," he mumbled as he reached one of his hands down to wrap my hand in a warm grasp, "why keep on hurting each other when this world is already dangerous enough?"

I quietly hummed in agreement befor glancing down at his lips and placing a small peck on them. I had barely even pulled my lips away from his when a hand had placed itself on the back of my neck and I had been pulled back into him again. 

Our lips met once more in a longer and somewhat more passionate kiss. I felt his grip around my waist tighten a bit more as a way to pull me closer as I reached up and cupped the side of his jaw with one of my hands.

"We're in this together now, okay?" Jungwon whispered as he pulled his lips away from mine, and looked down at me with his big round eyes.

"Together, okay," I muttered and placed my head on his shoulder again as my hand on his jaw dropped to his shoulder and his hand on my nape went up in my hair and softly massaged my scalp.

"And we're gonna survive through this until the world is back to normal again," he pointed out making me quietly hum.

"It'll never be normal again," I whispered to which I got no reply but a small kiss against my forehead.

It quickly went dead silent in the car as we just sat there, clinging onto each other as if it would keep us alive for an eternity for every second we held onto the other.