Throat Knife | Y.Jw

| 2.23 |

I was getting tired of the van by now, it shouldn't be a secret. Each day I was hoping we would stop by a house and make base there, but each time we just drove past the houses we reached, much to my disappointment.

Everyone around me was pretty much asleep, or at least I thought so. Sending motion into the rest of the van, Jungwon quietly got up from where he sat, supposedly sleeping. He walked straight up to the front and sat down in the passenger's seat, beside Heeseung.

"Hyung?" Jungwon quietly murmured only earning a hum in return, "can I ask you?"

"It's late Jungwon," Heeseung tiredly replied, "is it important?"

"To me," he excused, "to me it's important."

"And it can't wait till the morning?" Heeseung sighed as he turned his head to look at Jungwon.

"Please hyung," Jungwon sighed and leaned back in his seat, "just one thing."

Heeseung huffed before just nodding and looking over at the younger boy, impatiently waiting for whatever the younger needed. It was clear Heeseung just wanted to sleep.

"I think... Jiyeon-ie is still bothered by Jay hyung's death," Jungwon admitted and I just looked over at him, quickly glancing to Heeseung, whose shoulder's immediately slumped.

I quietly pushed myself up from where I sat and quietly walked up front, tapping Jungwon's shoulder softly. He immediately snapped his head around and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Can you go with me outside? The van is making me clausthrophobic," I muttered and Jungwon just glanced at Heeseung before gulping, "please?"

"Yeah," Jungwon whispered before getting up and quietly guiding me out of the van, making sure to close the door behind us.

It was quiet as we stood outside on some random abandoned road, it was dark outside, but I didn't really mind. It's not like I needed to see his face right now.

"I'd appreciate it if you would stop thinking that I am mentally weak," I stated and it was almost like I could sense Jungwon whipping his head around to look at me, "I get that I get nightmares, and that I'm sad about Jay. But I'm not weak mentally. It was just a small period of time that I was physically weak, but I'm not weak mentally."

"I am well aware of how incredibly smart and strong you are," Jungwon assured with a small laugh, making me immediately look over in his direction.

He had brought out a small flashlight with him, making me able to see the small teasing smile on his lips. Somehow it managed to be both teasing and genuine at the same time. How? I have no fricking clue.

"I heard you and Hee-" I started and he let out another small laugh, which only interrupted me again.

"What I was gonna ask him about was if there was any possible way that I could make good memories of him appear in your mind instead of those horrid ones that give you nightmares," he explained and I just looked over at him before quietly nodding at him, "I just don't like that you whimper or cry in your sleep. If this world already is sad and horrible enough, I don't need for it to follow you into your dreams."

I hummed quietly before looking down at the ground and grabbing onto my elbows as cold air brushed past us.

"That was why you wanted me out here, right?" he questioned softly and I just shook my head.

"I really don't like the van," I admitted and he quietly hummed, "I feel suffocated in there."

"Do you reckon the roof of the van is big enough for two?" he questioned and pointed the flashlight up to the top of the van. I quietly looked over at him before shrugging.

"We can't even get up there," I reminded him as a small grin just spread on his face, "we can't Jungwon. We've both been shot two times, we cannot get up there."

"That was at least two weeks ago!" he exclaimed with a small laugh, "plus... there's always the front of the van that is almost like a stairway for us."

I stared at him for a few seconds before just shaking my head and looking out towards the trees that ran alongside the other side of the road. I could hear a small snort come from Jungwon before the door to the van behind me opened and he disappeared inside while I just stood still for some time.

"At least it'll be warm and soft," Jungwon spoke as he returned out from the van and threw a few things up on top of the van, "now come on."

I looked at him in confusion as he grabbed onto my arm and softly tugged me over to the front of the van. He patted the front hood a few times before just humming and stepping up on it, reaching down to pull me up.

"Brace yourself," he mumbled and pulled me up on the hood, without me saying a thing, "it didn't hurt?"

"Not enough for me to complain," I shook my head as he helped me all the way up on top of the roof, where he had thrown a blanket and pillow up.

I quietly sat and watched as he easily pulled himself up as well, not one complaint or wince from his shoulder as he raised himself up and quickly laid down beside me, extending his arm out to the side, as if to make it act like a pillow.

"Come on, lay with me," he urged as I just looked down at him before glancing around, "Jiyeon. Please just lay down with me."

I quietly shook my head before just looking away from him, and within a flash he had sat up and just stared at me with big eyes.

"Did your feelings change?" he softly questioned and I just shook my head, "then what is it? Why won't you lay with me?"

"I don't know," I quietly admitted with a shrug.

"Are you sure your feelings didn't change?" he questioned and I just nodded in assurance, "you're worrying me now," he admitted and I glanced at him before smiling softly as I pulled my knees up to my chest.

"I just need sleep," I excused before turning to him and wrapping my arms around him, to which he slowly just laid down and tugged the blanket tightly around both of us, as a way to keep us warm, "I'm sorry."

"You just make me worried," he quietly mumbled, "you don't make sense in my head and it worries me when you won't tell me if anything is off."

"I just need sleep," I repeated once more.