Take me home : Natasha Romanoff x fem reader

Pt 5 Chapter 12 - Emptiness

Y/n's POV

I couldn't scream, in fact I felt frozen in motion as her hand left my wrist and her body fell. I had felt her grip release and it felt as if my heart had stopped as my eyes followed her body down. Down. Down.

And there she lay, lifeless yet still perfect on the stone ground, amongst the passing mist. The last image of her still burning into my mind and the knot in my throat remained, stifling my screams and continuing to silence me. I could still feel the slight tingle of her hold on my wrist and the slight pain of her weight pulling on it. The tingle remained but she was gone.

I felt empty..

No pain.

No guilt.

Just emptiness.

I wasn't really conscious of the fact that I was being pulled back up by Clint until I got close enough to hear his sobs.

At that moment I became aware of the hot tears that stang my eyes and flowed down my face. Aware of the trembles that ran through me like sparks. Aware of my pounding heart. And aware of the fact that my wife's heart would never beat again.

There was just emptiness.

I fell to the floor in silent disbelief and felt Clint's arms wrap around me. I was lost for words.

I closed my eyes and opened them when I felt the cold floor beneath me change. We were no longer sat on the mountain, but in one of the masses of water not far from the ship. My eyes fell on Clint and in his hand was a glowing orange stone.

I didn't really feel my legs carry me back to the jet, it was all a blur that I couldn't quite understand.

We got into the quinjet and waited. We would automatically be taken back to the present when the time was up. The whole time we just sat in silent tears, staring up at the purple sky.. Droplets fell from my eyes as waves of realisation would hit me. "This is all my fault." Clint mumbled.

"No it's not." I replied in a flat tone. It wasn't his fault, it was mine. My fault. My reckless and impulsive behaviour had led to the death of my wife. She had welcomed

Eventually we felt the jolt as we were taken back to the present. Everyone was back in their original places. Everyone except Natasha. Clint just stared straight forward, his expression blank, tears still falling from his eyes. The suits disappeared and everyone looked around.

"Did we get 'em all?" Bruce asked.

"Are you telling me this actually worked?" Rhodey beamed. Clint dropped to one knee as I stood, still frozen.. Everyone looked at us... and realised.

"Clint, where's Nat?" Bruce asked. I looked down at the ground, unable to find the words as my tears painted the floor. Everyone's faces turned from ones of joy to ones of sorrow. I looked back up to meet Steve's gaze. Clint looked at Bruce, no words needed to be said. He dropped to the floor, hitting it in frustration.

"Is she? You know?" Rocket stuttered. I nodded slowly and Tony put his hand on his forehead. A silence fell over us for quite some time. I couldn't take it much longer as reality came crashing down around me. I strode off the platform and towards the door, Steve tried to grab my wrist but I just shook him off and kept walking. I felt myself break into a run without really meaning to. My vision was blurred with tears and I couldn't breathe. But it didn't stop me as I sprinted down to the dock outside of the compound. There was a small lake just beyond the hill that Nat and I would sometimes sit on. As I went over the hill and down the other side my legs gave way and I hit the ground before I could reach the dock.