Your Dark Stars - Highschool K/DA x Male Reader

050 - I'm not sorry

*** Evelynn POV ***

Knocking on the door, I don't wait for anyone to open the door because I know she is probably just going to ignore anyone at the door. My knocking is more just a signal that she doesn't flip her shit that someone just enters just like that.

Locking the door with my spare key behind me, I notice that none of the lights have been turned on. The curtains are closed and the TV is off. It doesn't help that this place looks dreadful so empty. Walking to her room, I notice her phone on the bed. Then with a brief search, I open the door to the bathroom.

In the corner near the sink, crawled up. Face tucked in between her arms and legs, "I hate having to see you like this everytime I visit."

"Then don't visit," she says in her brittle tone, I don't know how long she has been here.

There are just pills everywhere, the mirror is broken with traces of blood on the broken glass. I walk over, grabbing her hand to see that there are still shards of glass in her hand. She pulls it back, hiding it between her legs.

"Go away."

"Why?"

"I want to be alone," she then chuckles out of frustration, "Can't you tell? That's why I am in the bathroom. Alone. Nobody else here."

"They aren't here because they think work is more important than you," I grab her arm, "Get up. Clean yourself up in the other bathroom..."

With her arm in my hand, she doesn't budge. Still sitting on the floor, I sigh as I let her arm go. Glancing around I have no idea what to do next - its hard getting through to her in this state. I haven't seen her like this before... but all I want to be is angry but she doesn't need that right now.

Not now.

I grab her arm again, lifting her up as she breathes out, "That hurts..."

"Bet your hand is burning even worse."

"It's just a scratch," I finally see her face through her hair, she isn't making any eye contact but it looks like the life is gone from her eyes.

Dead eyes. On the verge of suicide.

Pulling her along, from this bathroom into the next one. I run the water into the bath as I sit her down near the edge. Not fighting against me, she is just letting everything happen at this point - one would probably be able to get away with a lot if she is in this state.

She doesn't care. Not right now.

Sitting with the cleansing equipment, I start pulling out the glass as I ask her, "It happened, didn't it? You were about to give up."

"I can't."

"Because you realize there is more to it than just leaving the easy way?"

"I..." she shakes her head, tears streaming down her face as she laughs, "I couldn't. I tried to but, my arm froze up on me and I couldn't just end it. I don't want to feel that pain anymore Evelynn... I don't think I will survive if-"

"Then stop lying to me."

She looks at me, guilt on her face, "I didn't mean-"

"Didn't mean to tell me that she was home even though I know she isn't? To tell me that you will be fine when I know you will be crying yourself to sleep?" I sigh, "Give me some credit, I have been drying more of your tears than your own mother."

"But it will be fine right?" she then shakes her head, "They will be back soon. Soon."

"Not soon enough," I then close the tap, "Want me to wash you?"

"I'm not  ten."

"Then undress and wash," I lift myself, "I'll start packing your shit and then you are staying with me until either one of your parents-"

"I can't do-"

"I am not coming to your fucking house and seeing your body on the floor!" I yell at her, she flinches ears lowered, "Shut up, clean up."

I leave her behind as I do as I said I was going to do. The house smells like dust, her mother was supposed to be for two weeks now. I saw her when I visited and she must have been gone for a while now.

She probably doesn't even open the curtains, it all looks so depressing. Then with a sigh, I rub my brow, "Calm down, Evelynn. You felt just like this once, even if someone is holding you... it doesn't stop you from feeling alone."

Fuck Ahri. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have the answers to this!

Pulling out my phone, I almost consider asking Michelle where the fuck is up from here on out? What do I do? I don't know anymore... what if I am right? What if when I walk through the doors and all I can see is a pool of blood and a fucking corpse?!

"Jake... come pick me up at Ahri's. Bring something to eat."

"Code red?"

"At this point, I want to say, Code Black. I'll pay you ba-"

"I'll bring her something she likes," he then sighs, "Are you okay? You sound like you saw a ghost."

"I am seeing ghosts," I sigh, "Just... we will talk when we are home."

Ending the call, I finish up everything as I head back to the bathroom. Almost scared to see her drowning herself, I open up quickly to see her already drying herself. Letting out a sigh, I grab one of the towels and I drop it on top of her head.

"Sorry..."

"You hate me..."

"I hate seeing you like this," I admit, "Not you. I hate never knowing if I might lose you because I sent you home alone."

She twists her lips to the side, still not making eye contact with me. Leading her to the living room, I turn on the TV just for the sake of making some sound in the room. Drying her hair as she can do the rest herself.

I then ask, "What do I need to do Ahri?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know either," I sigh, "Without you, I'd be alone."

"Guiltripping me?"

"I did everything else, maybe I need to play dirty."

Hearing a slight chuckle, "Liar. You have Jake. You have Kai'Sa, you have Akali... you have (Y/N)."

"So do you. But you still feel alone," I rest my chin on the top of her head, "What do I need to do? It doesn't get any easier... it just feels like we are getting closer to a point where I can't even do anything to help."

"You are doing more than anyone."

"It isn't fair doing this to me if that is the case."

"It isn't," she nods.

I sigh, "I love you, you know that?"

She leans towards me, resting her face against my chest. I furrow my brow as I hold her close to me, she doesn't say anything. 

"You really are trying to make me feel guilty."

"I'm not sorry."

She chuckles, "Can I ask you something? Will you always be there for me?"

"Ahri..."

"I know it is impossible to answer. I know that. I know that I am asking the world from you," she nuzzles closer to me, holding me tightly as she breathes out, wailing into my chest, "I want to be better but I don't know how to be better... I don't want to feel that pain in my chest, I don't want to feel alone when I am surrounded by love."

"One day. One day it will disappear."