Fields of Gold; Daniel Ricciardo

Fear

I go outside and decide to walk to the beach. Before I went out I got to our apartment to grab a blanket and a bottle of water. So at least I can sit for a while.
Walking past the marina I think about the first time I walked here. I just got here a day earlier and on the beach I ran into Charles and Charlotte. That seems like so long ago. But it's not, it's been only weeks. Not even months.

Even though I love both of them, I really hope I don't run in to anybody today. I put in my headphones so I can listen to some music. That always helps me think and relax. When I reach the beach I take of my shoes and bury my toes in the sand. The fresh air definitely helps with my nausea and I feel a bit better.
I find a nice secluded spot where I put down the blanket and I sit down.

I really don't understand why I can't just be happy and enjoy the fact that there's a baby inside of me growing. A little baby that is a combination of me and Daniel. I pretty much have everything anyone could dream off, but still there's this nagging feeling that something bad is going to happen. Something that's going to destroy this happy place I should be in right now.

Usually I always try to be positive and see the good in everything, but now there's this little voice that keeps saying 'it's too perfect. This won't last." Maybe it's the hormones already messing with me.

Seeing Daniel this happy is amazing on one side, but if something goes wrong he's going to be devastated. Obviously I would be too, but I can't imagine what it would do to him. Or his parents.
That's also one of the reasons I'd rather not tell everyone just yet. If something was to go wrong I would have to tell everybody that as well.

Suddenly I feel a nudge against my arm and I'm almost pushed over.
"Roscoe don't!" I hear a voice behind me.
"Roscoe? Oh hey buddy it's so good to see you." I greet the heavy Bulldog who immediately lies down next to me so I can cuddle with him.

"Oh hey Sky, I'm sorry about this big chunk of love over here. He saw you and just ignored me." Lewis comes over.
"That's alright. He can always push me over." I smile while scratching Roscoe behind his ear.
"Mind if I join you?" Lewis asks me and even though I wasn't really looking for company, I nod. Lewis has become a good friend and I know if I don't want to talk he won't push me.
"You look like you were very far away. Everything ok?" He asks.
"Yeah just got a lot on my mind at the moment. I'll be fine." I answer without looking at him.

"Ok, I won't ask about it, but I'm here if you want to talk." He leans back on his elbows and we just sit there in silence for a while.
For some reason I do get the urge to talk to him, he's intelligent, but also sensitive and spiritual, so who knows he might have some good advice.

"Do you ever feel like everything is too good to be true and it will all get messed up?" I ask him out of the blue. Still staring at the ocean.
"I do yeah. Don't we all?"
"Maybe, I don't know." I finally look at him.
"What's this about? Your relationship with Daniel or something else?" He sits up.
"Daniel is great. I couldn't have asked for a better man in my life." I'm going back and forth in my head to tell Lewis everything. But I told Daniel I didn't want everybody to know. I just need to get how I really feel off my chest and I feel Lewis could be the right person to ventilate to now.

"You can keep a secret right?" I look him straight in the eyes.
"Of course I can. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

I sigh, "I'm pregnant."
"And you are not happy about it?" He asks.
I'm so glad he's responding like this. I really need somebody a bit grounded and not jumping for joy straight away.
"I am. Sort of. But I have this nagging feeling that something bad will happen." I explain.