Suggested by: Jensenandjared4life
*Trigger Warning- contains self harming*
Sam's POV
Dean and I were half sitting, half laying on our motel bed, watching the news, looking for a new case. After a while, I felt an arm wrap around me. I scooted closer to Dean and laid my head on his shoulder. Dean kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose. He took my chin in his thumb and forefinger and lifted my face to properly kiss my lips. I felt him bite my bottom lip, making me open my mouth as he slipped his tongue between my lips. He ran his fingers through my hair, grabbing a fistful and pulling lightly on it as we kissed. I made a noise of protest over him pulling my hair, but it was muffled against his lips. Suddenly, I found myself laying flat on the bed with him on top of me. When did that happen, I thought. I pulled out of the kiss for a breath. Without hesitation, Dean began to kiss my neck. I felt his teeth graze the sensitive skin of my throat. My body stiffened under his touch. I love Dean, but I didn't want to take this step, at least not yet. His hand was sliding up my shirt, fingertips grazing my muscular torso. I pushed his hand away, but then his lips touched my jaw and made their way back up to my lips. My brain was telling me to stop, but I found myself already kissing him back. I felt his hands at the button of my jeans. He unbuttoned them and went for the zipper.
"Dean, stop!" I said, pulling out of the kiss. He just looked at me with a devilish grin, grabbed the hem of my shirt, and pulled it over my head. His shirt came off after mine.
"Relax, Sammy" he whispered in my ear. I felt his lips graze my earlobe before he nipped at it with his teeth. This side of Dean actually scared me a little. It's like he's a completely different person. I felt my jeans sliding down my thighs. I jerked my legs from underneath Dean.
"Dean, I told you to stop" Dean seemed to snap out back into reality.
"Sammy... I—I'm sorry" he whispered. I watched as tears formed in his eyes. I went to hug him, but he got off the bed when I started to lean in. He grabbed his shirt and walked out without another word. I fixed my jeans and put my shirt back on. I was about to go out and talk to him when I heard the Impala start and drive away. Quickly, I stood up and went to the door, only to see the tail lights of the Impala disappearing down the road. I sighed and leaned against the door frame for a few minutes, waiting to see if he was going to turn around and come back. When he didn't, I walked back into the motel room. Maybe he just needed some space. This will all blow over by morning, and I'll wake up to have him next to me again. Realizing I was exhausted, I stripped down to my boxers, turned off the TV, and crawled into bed, where I tossed and turned until finally falling asleep.
The next morning, I woke to find myself still alone. Dean's usual spot was cold, so I knew he never came to bed last night. Worry began to fill my brain. I sat up and then breathed a sigh of relief. Dean was passed out on the couch. A bottle of whiskey was on the floor beside the couch. There wasn't a drop left in the bottle. Why didn't he wake me when he came back? I got out of bed and immediately dug around in our bags until I found some Advil, figuring Dean had a hangover and needed it. I shook Dean a little to wake him. He let out a loud groan and put a hand to his head. His eyes cracked open. I held out the medicine and some water for him.
"Thanks" he croaked.
"I figured you'd need it" I ran my fingers through his hair, then quickly pecked his lips, "You should go back to sleep. You'll feel better when you wake up" He nodded before slowly drifting back to sleep.
*2 weeks later*
Something is wrong with Dean. He's rarely ever sober anymore, and he refuses to talk to me about whatever is bothering him. He's even stopped looking for new hunts and now sleeps on the couch instead of in the bed with me. I'm worried about him. Today, I lost it and basically dumped every drop of alcohol we had into the sink once he was passed out for the night. I'm tired of his constant drinking.
When he woke and sobered up, I sat him down to have a long talk. "Dean, look, I know something is bothering you. You don't usually act like this. I want to help you, but I can't unless you tell me what's going through that head of yours"
"It's nothing, Sam. I'm fine"
I rolled my eyes and tried not to get annoyed with him, "Will you stop it, already! I know you too well for you to lie to me" my voice was harsher than I intended.
"I told you I'm fine" he got up and went to leave, but I grabbed him by the wrist. He winced and let out a hiss of pain.
"Dean, please no. Don't tell me..." I trailed off, realizing what was happening. Burning tears formed in my eyes as I pulled Dean back to the couch. Silent tears trailed down his cheeks as I carefully rolled up the sleeves of his flannel. Both of his forearms were wrapped with white gauze. Blood was appearing on the wrist I had grabbed. "Oh, Dean" I whispered as I unwrapped the gauze to see what he had done to himself.
"I'm sorry" he whispered as more tears fell from his hazel-green eyes. There was about a dozen lines cut into each wrist. Some looked like they were healing, and some looked new.
"This is about what happened two weeks ago?" I suddenly asked, wiping away the beads of blood forming on the few cuts I had accidentally opened.
"I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn't want to stop myself, either. I should have stopped the first time you asked, but I didn't care what you wanted at that moment" he whispered.
"Oh, Dean. It's fine, I still love you. I'll always love you, no matter what" I leaned in and softly kissed his lips. They were salty from his tears. The kissed ended after only a few seconds, but we were still only centimeters apart. "You need to stop this though, I need my brother back, I need my boyfriend back. Stop the drinking, stop the cutting, for me? I can't lose you" I said, my lips brushing his.
He nodded, "I promise"
I gave him a small smile before wiping away his tears with my thumb.
"I love you" I whispered.
"I love you, too. Forever and always"
