College isn't fun, so I'm taking a break from school and writing this so it's not late this week.
*Trigger Warning: Contains mention of Self Harm.*
Suggested by:
"Hey, guys? Could we talk for a minute?" Dean asked Sam and Cass.
"Sure, Dean. What's up?" Sam replied. Dean gestured for them to sit at the small dining room table. With an exchange of concerned glances, Sam and Cass both sat down. Dean sat across from them
"So, I wanted to talk to you about something. You both know that I want to get sex reassignment surgery. I don't want to be walking around, looking like a woman and feeling like a woman, but have a man's name. I've also come to hate how I feel right now, and when I'm called by that name, it's going to be a constant reminder of this."
"What would you rather be called?" Sam asked.
"I've thought about it, and I want my name to be Deanna. Obviously Mom wanted me to be named after her for a reason, and I don't want to undermine Mom with that, so I'm taking the female version of the name. I feel it's an even greater tribute to our grandmother."
Sam and Cass agreed with Dean's idea, and he became known as Deanna to them. Dean also began to introduced himself as Deanna to new people. Sure, he got a few odd looks, but he never let it bother him, knowing that it was all worth it to become the person he really felt like inside.
A couple days passed, and Sam and Cass were having a little bit of a hard time in the transition from calling Dean "Dean" to "Deanna". After all, for as long as they both knew Dean, he'd been "Dean."
"Hey! Dean! Come here a sec!" Sam called from the library of the bunker. It had taken him a second to realize his mistake. Dean always got upset when people called him by the wrong name, and Sam never wanted to upset Dean. He looked at Cass, who gave Sam a look so Sam knew he realized what just happened.
"Yeah Sam?" Dean asked as he poked his head in the library. Sam looked at him, and he didn't show any outward signs of being upset over Sam's mistake, but Sam knew better. He could see the sadness when he looked in Dean's eyes.
"Can you help us with this research?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, sure, just let me grab some beers," Dean said, going to the kitchen.
"He's upset," Cass observed.
Sam gave Cass an annoyed look, "I know that."
Dean came back in, setting a beer in front of Sam, one in front of Cass, and keeping one for himself. He grabbed the book nearest him and starting reading.
"Deanna, I'm sorry," Sam suddenly said, breaking the silence.
"For what, Sammy?" Dean asked.
"I didn't mean to call you Dean, it just slipped out."
"Don't worry about it. It's no big deal."
Sam didn't believe Dean. He knew him too well, so he knew that Dean was more upset than he was letting on.
Later that night, Dean went to bed before Sam and Cass.
"Do you think he's okay?" Cass asked Sam.
"I don't know, Cass. I think I really upset him, but he doesn't want to show or tell us."
"What are we going to do?" Cass asked.
"I guess all we can do is be more careful, and support him through this."
Cass nodded.
"I'm going to bed," Sam said with a yawn.
"I'm going to stay here for a little more, then I'll join you two."
Sam nodded and headed off toward their bedroom.
A couple hours later, Cass decided to go to bed too. He was in the bathroom, washing dust and dirt off his hands from the books they had been handling all day. Something caught his eye in the garbage can. When he glanced down, he realized it was a tissue with a small dark red stain on it. Curious, Cass picked it up, and a silver razor blade fell out, still red with blood. Thoughts raced through Cass' mind, who's was it? Why did they do it? Both Sam and Dean had gone to bed upset, and Cass hadn't realized it would come to this.
