The Boys and Me

63. Confessions Of A Teenage Drama King

SCOTTY:

I sighed to myself as I watched her drive away.

I have gone almost eighteen years without telling people about my feelings, without being cared about like that. Almost eighteen years building walls to keep everyone out and she knocks them down in two months.

Seriously Sire, what the fuck?

And stop wondering, of course I'm fucking in love with her.

But so is Heath and she's in love with him too. He's good to her, good for her. I'm just me.

God I wish I didn't give a shit about her, I wish she was just like every single other person on this planet but no, she has to be the consistent one, the one who doesn't cease. She's passionate, caring and above all humane. I have done countless things to repel her, reject her and to make her feel like I'm awful and she still manages to see something good inside me.

Of course, I'm not helping my situation by actually allowing her words to affect me. The only reason I even considered risking everything to save the guys was because of her words. Those four could have been on the brink of expulsion and begged me on their fucking knees before I would even wonder if I should help them.

But this fucking Alissa Holt got through to me in no time at all, barely a speech and all of a sudden I'm risking my own fucking existence at this school to save the asses of my friends, so she keeps calling them.

Friends, yeah fucking right.

Some friend I am, even I know the way I've treated them over the years is anything but friendly.

And it's not like Alissa's oblivious to the world, seeking purity in all things. She's seen shit, she's seen a lot of it too. She's not oblivious yet she still thinks I'm a decent person. What the hell did I do to get her in my life?

God, I sound like I'm dating her! Oh fuck me, how I wish I was sometimes.

But then I see that smile, the smile Heath brings out. The way he makes her laugh, how the simple touch of his hand can calm the wildest of storms in her. He's the one who's got her heart and I know she's got his too. The only problem is I think she also has mine and I have no fucking clue what to do about it or how to get it back.

If I wasn't a cunt to her things might have been different. But typical Scotty Sire, has to ruin anything that's within arms reach. Typical Scotty Sire had to fuck her off, had to scare her, had to repel her. Or at least repel her from dating me. Because clearly I couldn't repel her from befriending me.

I sighed as I looked down to my own jacket in my hands. I shrugged back into is and was immediately hit with its recently worn warmth and the smell of Alissa's perfume. God it must have looked weird, some random guy in the middle of a forest content with wearing a jacket because someone he adored had worn it once.

I cleared my throat and made my way to my car, climbing in and driving the familiar route towards my house, hoping my mom hadn't thrown all my shit out in the last week.

As I pulled into my driveway, I sighed and looked in my rearview mirror, catching a view of my own beaten and bruised face.

Oh I definitely had this coming, it was only a matter of time before David saw that video and I should have expected he'd go show the others before I could delete it.

I climbed out of my car, here goes nothing I guess.

I carefully and quietly walked into my house, so not to make too much noise. I mean, it was 7 am on a Saturday morning after all.