MAFIA | PARK JIMIN (COMPLETED)

Cigarettes and Sex

My hands trembled as I sat by myself near the window of my room. I needed it desperately and now. I couldn't control myself.

"We are done EunHa Kim. Now that you have your answers, don't ever come back here. The fact that my mom mother loved you as her own is what is stopping me from putting a bullet through your head. Leave the house this instance. You are dead to us now"

Those were Donghae's last words to me.

"Fuck, FUCK, FUCK", I screamed as my fingers started vibrating continuously.

Unable to stop myself, I left my room. I knew just the place where I could find it. Hoseok's room.

Seeing no one inside, I entered. A pack of cigarettes straight in my line of sight. Cherry on the top, I also found a bottle of whiskey which I picked up along with a lighter as I headed back to my room.

The boys had been trying to talk to me ever since we came back but I had locked myself in the room. Despite Jimin calling me out multiple times, I still did not come out.

I placed it between my lips as the lighter clicked and a crimson flame came up.

Even after so many years I thought That would be a foreign feel, having it in between my lips. But no, I still remember it clearly like it was yesterday.

I closed my eyes as the crisp flavor of the tobacco took over and I release the smoke into the air.

This was a drug, it made you feel things. I took a couple of sips of the whiskey after. I had started calming down, the nicotine mixed with warm alcohol had its effect. I took one more long drag before I let the smoke sit in my mouth. Just when I released it, I heard the door clicking.

"Jena", Jimin's voice was heard.

Shit, I forgot to lock it. I looked at the cigarette in my hand. What do I do with it?

I shifted uncomfortably as he approached me. I lowered my right hand beside my leg, the cigarette still in my hand.

"Jena, are you .... what is this smell?", he said sniffing. He paused before looking at me and then the bottle in front of me. He moved closer as he lifted my right hand, the lit cigarette still there.

"This is the smell", he said looking at it and back at me.

"Jimin, I..."

He took it from my hand. I expected him to throw it away but he just took a drag and released it before handing it over to me.

"I never knew You smoked", he said.

"I don't, atleast For the last 9 years", I said.

"20..19..18.......11", he said looking at me wide eyed. "You used to smoke when you were 11 !?!?", he asked eyes wide.

I smashed the cigarette in the plate which I had made an ash tray of.

"Growing up in the Mafia isn't easy. You see thing normal kids don't and you need a mechanism to cope with it. This was mine. It helped calm me", I said looking embarrassed.

His eyes softened and he scooted closer.

"I am not judging, it's just not very normal for 11 year olds to smoke. So the number surprised me"

"I remember seeing the men do it. And I heard them say that it helped them cope with the stress that came with being in the Mafia. So I tried. I was scared out of my wit as I stood at the convenience store. Black hoodie, sunglasses just like in a drama. The boy who was at the counter wasn't very convinced but sold it to me. The first time I did it, I coughed continuously for two days. Donghae wanted to take me to a doctor but I knew if I went, my secret would fall out of the bag. Slowly I knew how to do it and within a couple of months it became a routine. It did help."

"Why did you stop then?", he asked curiously.

"I did not, I was made to", I chuckled.

"One of the men saw me and told Donghae. Donghae caught me red handed and slapped me so hard, I never picked it up. Just for the fear that he might find out. You see this scar right here", I said pointing to a little almost faint scar near the cheek.

He scooted closer and took my face in his arms as he looked.

"You could have imagined how hard I was hit for it to still be there after 9 years", I said chuckling.

He traced his thumb over me as he looked back to my eyes.

"Why did you start today then?"

I was at a loss of words. The fact that someone who I used to think was a monster was the reason both me and Jin were alive was difficult to digest. Today I had  scraped whatever relation I had with my brothers. I could see the hate in their eyes as they looked at me when Donghae asked me to leave. Father, or do I even get to call him that? He sat there saying nothing but I knew I saw a glimpse of disappointment and pain in his eyes.

"Jimin, whatever that happened today", I said not being able to speak. Tears rolled down my eyes as I tried to speak. "They will never look at me or talk to me again", I said breaking down in his arms.

He pulled me closer as I put my face in the crook of his neck and cried. Jimin did not say anything. He knew she needed time and an outlet to let it all out.

"It all started because of me, didn't it?", he said. "If I hadn't kidnapped you, none of this would have happened", he said.

"If you hadn't kidnapped me, I would have never known who I really was. I would have never found Jin. I wouldn't have met all the other boys who are practically my family now. And most importantly I wouldn't have met the person I love the most", I said looking him in the eye. " I would still be my father's puppet and a part of something that I despised being in."

He smiled but I knew he blamed himself. I bent forward as I kissed him on the lips. He was a little taken aback but kissed me back.

"I don't want you to blame yourself. Never", I said.

He nodded as he understood what I meant.

I leaned in forward as I kissed him again, deeper this time. I wrapped my hands on his neck before I made a little jump and wrapped my legs on his waist. He lifted me up and carried me to the bed, throwing me and climbing up on me. He continued kissing my jaw and neck as I fell a hand his hands gripping my thighs tightly.

I took my hands forward to un button his shirt. I wanted distraction and I felt agression. I was rough in my actions as I struggled to open the buttons. The alcohol had its effect.

"Stop", he said lightly taking my arm away from his shirt.

"What?"

"You are drunk"

"I am not. I am completely in my senses"

"You are not. You are doing it for an outlet. And I don't want that", he said moving away.

"Jimin, I said I am not drunk. I want it now"

"No"

"JIMIN I SAID I WANT IT. FUCK YOU". I was in tears as I grabbed the collars of his shirt.

"Jena, I want it to be special, When I do it with you. I don't want it to be a painful memory for you. I want it as much as you, but I am not going to do it when you are so vulnerable and hurt. Please understand"

I was a sobbing mess as I fell into his arms. He hugged me close as he let me cry and listened to me as I talked about the family that I loved once.