Fallin' All In You; Shawn Mendes

Thirty-Three

Chapter 33

I wish

"Save your breath."

•••

February; 7 Months

Peyton

I don't think I remember what it felt like. That feeling when you start to think maybe you might really like someone. More than a friendly feeling, I actually think the feeling is so foreign. I only ever attracted the wrong guys, the ones who fed off of my last name. The ones after the money, none being appealing to me at all.

I've thought someone looks attractive, I know when I see someone good looking. But never once did I think, what if I allow myself to feel something for them. What if I speak up and tell them I want more? I never felt that more than friend feeling till I met him. And the worst part of it all.

I wanted the feeling to die so bad.

•••

It had been two months since Serenity's wedding. Two months since my heart was broken, by a man and my own mother. Two months since the same man left me to fend for myself against my mother. The same man who I begged to not leave me by myself. The one person I allowed myself to fall for.

I now wish I had been more careful, that I would've thought about the situation better. He's not the father of my child. I didn't know much about him, actually. I met him in July and didn't meet him till I found out I was pregnant, a month after. And yet he managed to get me to fall for him in a week.

Part of me wishes he'd call, despite me telling him I don't want to ever talk to him. Part of me wishes he'd knock on my front door, and apologize for leaving me back with my parents. Then part of me wants to hate him, that same part wishes we never met.

When I came back to San Francisco I had wanted nothing more than to tell him. But I refrained from doing so, for my own sake. Maybe fate was playing with me when I moved here. I don't know what her intentions were but none of them worked out. I didn't get the guy and I certainly didn't stay with my awful mother.

The only good thing she has going for me is the fact that I have a baby. I really wish fate had allowed me the opportunity to be pregnant when I was settled down. When it was with someone I was completely and utterly in love with. But I don't regret her at all, how could I?

Once I got back home I was able to look through all the gifts I got from the baby shower. It wasn't my mothers idea to throw it in the first place, it was Serenity's. And she wanted me to be prepared. I had got to put everything away when I finished decorating the room.

Madison and I spent a full weekend shopping for everything and painting the room. All while I told her about what had happened when I was away. She reacted like any best friend would, she hates my mother and think she's Satan's mistress. Then she was confused about Shawn but nonetheless hates him.

She also told me I shouldn't let him ruin my life. I have a few months left before I give birth and that's what should be my main focus. My little girl should be my main priority and she was of course completely right. Which was why I never did call him.

"I've been fine, finally finished the nursery." I told Serenity through my phone.

I was trying to put on my shoes, but my feet have gotten pretty swollen with pregnancy. My stomach grew as well, I was seven months now which means I have officially two more months till I get to hold her. And with my hormones completely all over the place, the thought makes me want to cry.