Despondency (Sequel To Sweetheart)

Chapter 43 - Mistake

September 4, 1999 
Manhattan, New York

Ginuwine's Setting

"How's my little butterfly doing?", Ginuwine's mother, Diane, asked him over the phone.

"She hasn't been doing so good mama. She's been on edge ever since she woke up in the hospital. I can't even touch her without her having a panic attack and she's been having these violent nightmares too. She woke up screaming like five times last night", Ginuwine sighed.

It had been three days since they finally got home from San Francisco and Ginuwine and Mariah had barely gotten any sleep. Mariah would go to sleep but then immediately wake up screaming from a nightmare, Ginuwine would try to be there for her but she would keep pushing him away. One minute she wanted him, and the next minute she was telling him to leave her alone.

"Aww my poor baby. It sounds like you need to get her some serious help. She's pregnant and she needs to be able to sleep and not be so stressed. I know what happened to her was very traumatic and that could have a bad effect on the twins. The sooner you get her some help, the better", Diane said.

"I know mama. I've been looking for therapy facilities ever since we got back to New York. I've found a few good ones and I'm going to call them later. Mariah doesn't know that I'm doing this but she really needs it. I'm so worried about her and I'm mad as hell because I never found out who did this to her. The police told me they had the suspect but they wouldn't give me his name", Ginuwine said as he looked at the police report in front of him. 

"You should have the right to know. This man sat there and raped Mariah several times and then brutally beat her before shooting her. Why the hell are the police protecting a damn criminal? That shit pisses me off", Diane said in anger. "Also you need to talk to Mariah and ask her if she wants to go to therapy. You can't make her if she doesn't want to son."

"Yeah, imma talk to her about it and see how she feels. Hopefully she'll say yes. I gotta go though, she's been a little too quiet so I'm going to go check on her."

"Alright, call me if you need anything. You know I'm always by the phone and tell my little butterfly that I said hello", Diane said.

"Okay I will. Bye mama."

"Bye son."

Ginuwine hung up the phone and got up go check on Mariah.

He walked upstairs and into their bedroom to see what Mariah was doing.

"Babygirl?", Ginuwine called out but he didn't see her anywhere.

He looked in the bathroom and she wasn't there so he decided to check the closet.

Ginuwine walked into the closet and turned on the light where he saw Mariah sitting in a chair facing the wall.

"Mariah? What are you doing in here in the dark?", he said as he came closer but she didn't answer him.

He walked up to her and saw that she was staring blankly at the wall with bloodshot eyes. It looked like she hadn't blinked in hours.

"Mariah you're scaring me", he said as he touched her shoulder causing Mariah too look up at him.

Tears filled her dry eyes and spilled onto her cheeks before she got up from the chair and walked out of the closet.

Ginuwine followed behind her as she walked back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed.

"Mariah....I'm worried about you. I know what that man did to you and I know you're traumatized. You need to get some help before you hurt yourself. I found a facility that can help you get better."

"No", Mariah mumbled.

"Please Mariah, if you don't wanna do it for yourself, then do it for me and the twins. I went and got help when you asked me to, why can't you do the same?", he said calmly.

"I don't need help. There's nothing to talk about", Mariah said as she picked at her hands.

Ginuwine sighed deeply. It would be painful for him, but he would have to try another approach.

"So...you don't want to talk to someone about how this man violently raped you? Beat you? And tried to kill you?", he said shakily.

"Maybe I deserved it Ginuwine", Mariah sniffled. "I fell in love with you and he didn't like that so I had to face the consequences."

"Nobody ever deserves to be treated that way because they are in love with someone", Ginuwine said as he sat closer to Mariah.

"Well I do because I'm just a worthless piece of trash and if I wasn't pregnant right now, I would kill myself because I have no purpose left on this earth. You're better off without me. I was a mistake from the day I was conceived", Mariah said honestly. These were her true feelings and no one was going to tell her otherwise.

"You know...I was going to kill myself before but I happened to meet you the same day. It was the day I finalized my divorce and was going to record one last song before I ended it all. You saved my life with the love and warmth that you brought to me but this time you can't save me. I'm too far gone", Mariah cried hard.

Ginuwine didn't know how to respond at what she just said. It broke his heart to hear that Mariah wanted to kill herself. It crushed him to hear that if they hadn't met that spring day almost 3 years ago, that she would've went home and killed herself. She seemed so happy and full of life then, it confused him.

"Mariah I'm here for you. I will do anything for you babygirl. I love you. My family loves you. You have friends who love you. You'll soon have two kids that will love you. There's soo much support and love around you. I don't want you to hurt yourself", Ginuwine pleaded. He was scared out of his mind.

"None of that matters anymore. You can't love a mistake."