•Benefits• {cash} {boyxboy}

Chapter 75: Flashbacks

Hayes' POV

I slowly and steadily walked up the stairs to check if Nash was in bed. He had just come back from rehab.

We didn't want to send him there but after a while we knew it was only thing we could do to help him.

I slowly approached his bedroom door. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever was behind those doors. I pushed the door open to reveal Nash laying on his bed.

His arms and legs were spread open. Typical Nash, takes up the entire bed.

My heart began to increase as I looked down at his arm.

My heart fell. He hadn't stopped.

The vein on his arm was purple, meaning he had used. I looked over to his bedside table. What I saw there didn't upset me, it disappointed me. We had tried so hard to help him. To make him better and the minute he comes home he just continues using.

I picked up his bin and discarded the empty needles in the bin, along with the lighter and the left over contents that sat in another needle. I sighed and shook my head. What happened to him?

"Hayes?" Nash uttered from his sleep. I threw the bin on the ground harshly. It made a loud bang sound. Nash's eyes popped open.

"You're still using?" I asked softly. I couldn't look him in the eyes.

Nash shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters!" I yelled. "Is this because Cameron has a new boyfriend-"

"What?..." Nash asked slowly.

I paused. I should not have said that. I should not have said that.

"Nevermind." I quickly said as I tried to exit the room. This is just going to make it so much worst.

"Hayes." Nash said sternly.

I turned around and faced him. "It's no big deal, Matthew just happened to mention it." I said softly.

"I thought Cameron would've told you by now." I continued.

Nash looked down and a small tear rolled from his eye. "I had tried to text him so many times. He never responds. And now I know why." Nash said with a hiccup.

"You actually tried to talk to him?" I asked with a shocked face.

Nash slowly nodded his head.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter, it's not like he ever bothered replying." Nash said softly. I could hear the hurt in his voice.

"Just tell me what you told him." I said while rolling my eyes.

"I told him that you know... I love him." Nash admits with another innocent looking shrug. His voice makes me want to cry. He sounds hurt, sad and that feeling of needing to comfort Nash takes over.

I slip one hand around his chest, over his heart. The other I hold over his stomach. I feel his heart race, unlike the rest of him. It reveals how scared he is. How vulnerable he is. He was brave and strong, it was something I really admired about him. But now I know he is not.

I tighten my grip on him and lay a peck on his forehead. It's the best I can try and do to comfort him.

//
Nash's POV
//

I couldn't bare it anymore, the humiliation, the aching in my chest, and the horrible, wretched feeling of emptiness that haunted my every waking moment. It would become so overwhelming that I would have to stop myself from crying almost every few minutes.

Being with Cameron was... A need. I needed him. All these feelings would go away when I was with him. I know that all hope is all gone. I had just increasingly realized, or at-least thought that Cameron could never reciprocate my feelings again. Not after what I put him through.

The horrible, sad truth was that it just came down to missing him. I missed the touch of Cameron's hands as they would cares my face, I missed the soft, heated lips that would travel down my neck. I would run a hand over my neck occasionally as to reach for a ghost of that feeling again. But what I missed most were the nights. Even though we spent very few together. I missed when we would just lie together.

I gripped my chest once again as another shooting feeling of... Something. Something horribly cold and empty hit my chest again. A tear seemed to well up in my eyes as Cameron's face flashed in my mind. And then Cameron with whoever he was with. That hurt. That hurt so much. It hurt knowing that he moved on. It hurt knowing that someone else was making him happy.

I didn't want to be what I was today. Doing what I was doing. Injecting myself... But because of the pungent emptiness that was constantly gaping at me, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea.

I remember when it all started.

*FLASHBACK 3 MONTHS AGO*

I stood in front of a wooden shack. It looked odd, standing on the corner with bigger houses standing next to it. I found it though, I didn't think I would. It was almost funny that this place held the answers to my problems.

The house was entirely wooden, making it seem like it might come crashing down at any moment. The place seemed to be living in the past. Broken toys and cars were looted throughout the perimeter of the place.

The smell was most vivid though.

I hesitantly reached into my pocket and pulled out the money I needed. I only needed one gram. One gram to get me totally fucked up. And hopefully get Cameron out of my mind. I slowly approached the door. A little voice in my head told me to go back, but that would mean to live in sadness. And that was a much worst option.

I stepped inside. They didn't seem too concerned with locking their doors for herion junkies.

"You here to buy?" A guy my age said with a laugh. The laugh was too long though and I could tell that this guy had been here for a while.

"Here's the money." I passed him the money. Funny, my hands used to shake whenever I gave money, now it seemed rock solid. This is not something I should be doing.

The guy looked over the money greedily and shoved it in his pocket. "Alright man. Get a chair." I nodded slowly proceeding to watch as the guy pulled out a bunch of things including needles.

I kicked a random guy that was laying on the floor, to make sure he was alive. He grumbled before a sick smile spread across his face. I grabbed a wooden chair and walked over to where the guy was.

The instrument was a needle, it looked intimidating. I never liked needles.

The guy prepared the stuff. He sucked the contents up in the needle and handed it to me. Making sure I remembered how to do prepare it.

I took it and looked at it, for a second that feeling, a need to run away resurfaced again. But it was quickly suppressed by Cameron... Just his face in my mind in general was all to much for me to wrap some string around my arm and find a vein to inject myself.

As I pushed the contents in my body, my eyes began to water. My hands began to shake.

Soon the buzz kicked in and eventually everything started to get blurry. I felt euphoric. It felt like I was leaving my body. I can't describe the feeling.

I could feel my arm burning but it was more than worth getting rid of that emptiness feeling. Even if it were just for a few hours.

*END OF FLASHBACK*