Who? (Jungkook FF)

Chapter 45

        I sit down on the floor in front of the big window. I stare at the scene in front of me. 

It's a cold morning that all I can see is just fog. But it's so soothing and eye calming.

I rest my arms on my knees. The last night's memory comes across my mind and my heart hurts again. 

I pinch my eyes close,  trying to shake it off from my head. 

Being emotional, thinking of my poor fate will just cause me more suffering. 

I should ignore... There's only eight months left. 

But how easy to say it's just only eight months left. Just this day, I'm already tired. I am so tired of facing his behavior, his wants and his control.

I feel so terrible, my heart is hurt but there's nobody that I can tell what I've been suffering.

I am so fucking lonely. 

Tears well up in my eyes but I quickly tilt my head upward. 

I don't want to cry.

After calming down, I throw my head down and I notice that my belly is quite growing.

I lift my shirt, revealing my belly. It is bulging more than before.

Seeing it makes me want to pat my belly. 

I put my hand on my belly and I pat it. 

Strangely, I feel warm inside my heart. Maybe, I'm not really alone. I just remembered, I have a baby. 

I ever hear that the baby can feel what the mom's feeling. 

A smile forms on my lips. "Do you feel what I am feeling?" I ask the fetus in my belly.

Of course, I don't expect an answer. I just really want to talk to someone.

But if the fetus does feel my emotion, I feel bad because my heart is really hurt, broken and fold now. 

I bite my lips, I feel guilty. "I'm sorry if you do".

Reality hits me that this fetus has Jungkook's blood running inside the veins. 

I wonder if like him, this fetus doesn't have feelings, sympathy and empathy.

"Don't be like your dad.. You shouldn't be like him. If you're a boy, be good. Have sympathy for weak people. Respect women and everyone..." I mutter while my eyes reflecting all the pain I feel with him. 

I stop reflecting and look at my belly again. What if this child is a girl? My eyes flicker.

"If you're a girl... I don't wish karma on him. I really hope you don't get his karma".

Suddenly, I feel so bad. I believe in karma so much but I don't want this child to get his karma. I don't want any woman to suffer what I'm suffering. 

I feel anxious just to think about that. If this child is a girl, it's going to be hard for me. 

Jungkook never treats women with respect. If the child is a girl, how can he raise her? 

As far as I remember in the contract, no matter if it is a boy or a girl, all parental rights belong to him only. 

Honestly, I don't against it. I don't want to raise his baby anyways. I don't want to because I really want a new life. I don't want any memory of him. 

But... What if the baby happens to be a girl and gets his karma in his place. 

Shit, I hate to think about this. It makes me feel so terrible and just worries me.