Who? (Jungkook FF)

Chapter 66

           I gaze blankly at the wall in front of me.

I'm alone in my hospital bed now. But not really alone. The baby is in the cradle beside me.

I lose in my thought. What kind of karma did Jungkook talk about?

What was the thing that was taken from him?

Whatever the hell has happened to him, it still doesn't give him a right to do this to me.

I don't deserve to be treated like this. I know nothing about them.

And if he's hurt because of them, it still has nothing to do with me. Because I never wanted to hurt him in the first place.

But why??

WHY THE HELL HE HAS TO PUT ME SUFFERING LIKE THIS??

I never feel as worst as today. I feel so empty. I feel losing light and faith in my life. I don't have any reason to live anymore.

I recall my mom's face in the back of my eyes. I miss her so much.

I recall our memories together in our house. It is so sick to think how the house is abandoned now.

I realise that I don't want a new life, I just want the life that I used to have. That's why I keep wanting to die. Because it's impossible to have it all back.

I'm really losing my faith in everything.

Even God can't help me.

I'm losing my faith.

I'm really losing my faith.

My mind is pulled back to reality when I hear the baby whine, then he starts crying.

I bet he's hungry. So, I quickly get off the bed and go to craddle.

I pick up the baby in my arms and bring him to my bed.

I stare at him for a few seconds before breastfeeding him.

The baby stops crying and suckles for my milk.

I sigh and lean slowly against the headboard.

No matter what, I shouldn't want this baby.

Soon, I feel dozing off. It is weird that breastfeeding a baby could make me feel better and calming.

The baby lets go my nipple and I can feel his breath against my skin.

And I can feel his heartbeat through my arms, which are holding his small body.

I straighten my sitting posture to take a look at him.

He continues sleeping, and he looks so comfortable.

The baby is so adorable...

Actually, he's not "the baby"... He's "my baby."

I hear the door open, and I quickly fix my shirt.

"Evening, ma'am," says the doctor while walking towards me.

"Did you just finish breastfeeding your baby?" asks her.

"Yeah".

"Aw, he's sleeping now. Do you want me to put the baby in his cradle or by your side?" asks the doctor.

"Uh.. " I pause. I don't know. I probably want the baby to be by my side, but I don't know why I think I shouldn't do it.

But if I don't do it now, then when could I? I will never get to see my baby again after the settlement of the contract.

But I'm worried if I get attached to my baby.

"Ma'am?"

My mind is pulled back to reality. "By my side," I say.