Just Friends, Right?

I Needed You.

Jada~

Throwing a couple of nice, formal, business dresses into my suitcase, my phone starts ringing from the dresser.

I answer the unfamiliar number with caution, "Hello?"

"Hi Jada, this is Dr. Lankford at Froedtert returning your call. When we spoke in the office, I said we'd call around a week after your appointment. Turns out we needed to do a few more tests on what we got from your appointment. Is this a good time to discuss all of that?"

I look at my watch. I'm supposed to be leaving in thirty minutes for the airport and this conversation does not seem like it's going to be a good one. "Yes, this a good time."

"Okay. I know we discussed that you showed no signs of endometriosis or PCOS which is good news. The lab work also confirmed that. My concern is with your hormone levels and the state of your uterus."

I stop packing my suitcase and force myself to listen. "At 29, you have low progesterone and estrogen levels which is vital for trying to conceive. It's most likely nothing you've done. These things happen. It's more likely that your body is not producing it as it should be. There are fixes to that and we can try this however the state of your uterus is hostile. The lining isn't sufficient for fertilization. We can also do things about that too. I don't want this news to discourage you from any sort of treatment or further research."

I hold back my emotions, "Okay, so where do we go from there."

"I can bypass any trouble you have with fertility clinics in the area and get you in to see someone if you and your husband are still interested. Of course, take some time to think about it and talk it over. But your best option would be IVF or IUI. I can point you in any direction you want to go."

I slowly nod, "Okay, thank you. We'll talk it over and get back to you soon."

"Okay. I hate delivering news like this but I could tell from your appointment that you were eager about having a baby. I know you needed to hear the full truth."

"I appreciate that. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I toss my phone on the floor and continue to pack through the emotions and the pain. Why couldn't this be easy? Why couldn't we be blessed with the most perfect baby right away?

I pack a few more things before grabbing my carry-on to make sure everything is fully packed and ready for tomorrow.

I suffer through the emotions as I bring my stuff into the kitchen so I can put it in my car. I start my car after putting my stuff in the back and go back inside but I'm met with Christian coming inside with Scout.

"Are you about to- Woah, woah, what is wrong?"

I look at him and just shake my head, unable to produce any sound. He comes up to me unable of what to do as I can't stop crying. He hugs me.

I don't even hold onto him. I want nothing to do with this hug. I'm so uncomfortable right now. A hug from my favorite person and it's not where I need to be. I do the one thing I thought I'd never do to him. I push him away. "Stop. Just stop."

He lets go immediately, knowing I'm serious since I've never asked him to let go of me.

I walk around him, further into the kitchen, and get a small bag to fill with Scout's food for the flight. "Jada, tell me. Please. What is wrong?"

I look at him with the hope that he won't think of me any different after I tell him this awful news.

"My doctor from a couple of weeks ago just called me. It's me. I'm the problem we can't seem to get pregnant and now I'm supposed to go to LA and pretend like I'm okay and sit in such an important meeting."