Just Friends, Right?

Big, Ugly, Scary.

Jada~

I flip through Netflix and Hulu to try to find something for background noise while I start to read about this new journey we're going on. I would put on Christian's game but he should be back soon.

I go back to our cable TV and end on reruns of Friends. I hold the bowl with one hand as I rest the papers on my lap.

I'm so deep in eating my dinner and reading these papers that I hardly noticed Christian had come home and that he was standing in front of me.

"Hi."

"Hi. What are you doing?"

"Reading, eating, and listening to Friends. There's more of this salad in the fridge."

"They catered in a bunch of food today since Ryan's number got retired."

"I missed that?"

"It's a weekend-long celebration. They're still here. They want to do dinner before they leave."

He sits next to me, "What's this?"

"Stuff my doctor gave me today to read before I start taking the hormone supplements."

"That was today?"

"Yeah."

"Did I miss anything?"

"No. I sat there and answered questions about what my daily life is like and what I normally eat for an hour. You didn't miss anything."

"So what are these for?"

I hand him a small stack, "This is natural remedies for increasing hormone levels by eating certain foods. The one by my feet is just a reminder that any supplements aren't FDA-approved and have possible side effects. The one I'm reading now is the differences between IUI and IVF because if it comes to this, we have to decide on which one."

"Side effects?"

"Big, ugly, scary side effects if I take too much or if I take it for too long or if my body just doesn't like it."

He takes the rest of the papers from me, "That's enough reading for you."

I throw my head back, "She wants me to read those so I know what I'm preparing for."

"Then we'll do it together so you don't spiral."

"I'm not going to spiral."

He's not convinced by that statement. "Okay, if I did, it wouldn't be huge."

"I'm not taking that chance."

He puts the papers on the coffee table, "C'mon, have some fun."

"It wouldn't be fun for either of us."

I laugh as he knows me too well to know it wouldn't be fun. He sits next to me, his elbow resting near my head as he holds his head up, "When are you starting all of that?"

"Whenever it gets delivered. Hopefully within the next couple of days."

"And for how long?"

"She wants to see how a month on the supplements treats my body and if it raises the levels to a normal range. If it does its job, then I'll keep taking them and hope that it does the trick. It should resolve the uterine lining problem too if it works. So I'll go back after a month and they'll do bloodwork and then determine from there what we should do."

"And if it doesn't work?"

"Then I would stop taking the pill supplements and probably go to weekly progesterone and estrogen shots to prepare for IVF or IUI which apparently makes you feel like shit."