Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

8. Church

Church.

I never thought that I would go there again.

I never thought that I would go there again willingly.

The last time that I went to church was, well, a long time ago. Things were different at that time. The people of town still considered me as one of them and my parents as well as my siblings loved me more than anything in the world. Back then, I would go to church every Sunday and I would always sit in the front and listen attentively to the priest's words.

This was the good old times.

But things change and they changed completely for me. I knew that I was gay at a very young age. Like I had once told Pierre, while the little boys were running after the girls, me, I was running after them. I always knew that I was different in a way. I realized that I liked to stare at boys and I liked it when theirs skins would touch with mine. I found them cute and I was obviously attracted to them.

What I was feeling was a completely normal thing for me.

But for others, it wasn't.

I was in the wrong for everyone else. I wasn't normal. Being the naive little boy that I was, I told my family how I truly felt about boys and it was then that I saw it; the way theirs faces turned into a disgust and scared one. Why scared? Well, they were scared of what I would become, scared that I would become the 'devil'. They tried to change me; they brought me to church more than necessary; pushed me towards girls; they did everything.

But it didn't change how I was. I remained the same and I was hurt. Hurt that my own family couldn't accept me. When they realized that I wasn't going to change, they started to dislike me. Though, when they really started to stop acknowledging my presence was when the whole town discovered that I was gay. My parents told me that I was a shame for them and soon everyone felt a sort of hatred for me. Church, the place where I was supposed to feel accepted by everyone, soon became the place where I didn't feel welcomed anymore. I received looks and they weren't looks of love, it was the complete opposite.

So I did the only thing that could be done - I stopped going to church. Simple as that.

What was the point in going?

I wasn't welcomed there and I didn't have a good reason enough to continue to go....that was until today. Now I had my reason and this reason was my love. My little ray of sunshine. I would do everything to be able to be with him, to pass time with him and going to church seemed to be one of the things to do.

I woke up early and prepared myself. I wasn't so happy to go to church but I was so impatient to see my love. I was cleaned and my hair was brushed properly. I put on my best clothes for this occasion. I had money with me as well. Like I said, I was going to bring my love to the zoo today after church. I still didn't know how I was going to steal him away from everyone without them noticing but I was going to find something.

I would make this day the best he ever had.

My parents and siblings were extremely surprised when they saw me coming down the stairs. Like myself, they were all dressed properly, ready to go to church and seeing me they were astonished. Normally on Sundays, I stayed sleeping late as I had nothing better to do but today was another day. And also, I didn't want to take the bus so I had to go with them.

"What are you doing here, Declan?" my mom asked me and I shrugged.

"I'm going to church," was my reply. Wasn't it obvious?

"You are going to church?" my father repeated in disbelief. "Are you joking?"

"You don't joke with god," my older sister, Maryline, informed me with an angry look and I huffed.