Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

51. It's Over.

THURSDAY 

I was currently in the school library.

I did not want to be there and I knew that it was a bad idea for me to come here. It was Pierre's little sanctuary after all. That was the place that he would most likely be found in all situations but I did not really have any other choice. As I was absent for one week, I had to catch up with some of my homework and I also had some research work to do. The library was the only place that I could go to do all of that.

"Where is that damn book?" I cursed quietly as my eyes scanned the hundred of books in front of me. The book that I was searching for really did not want to show itself. Actually, I did not really need it but I thought that it would be good to have some plus knowledge. Though, I needed to be quick as I was trying to avoid Pierre. So far, I did not get to see him.

Since our little encounter on the rooftop, we didn't talk to each other again. I did see him around but both of us avoided any contact. Things would always get really tense each time our eyes would meet or when we would be in the same room. The fact that Veronica was always stuck to him also did not help to make our situation better.  She was always clinched to his arm or kissing him there and there and really, I could not tell if Pierre liked that or not. 

I actually noticed something while giving them the dead look.

His smiles were not as real as when he used to smile at me before. He didn't seem at ease with his girlfriend, like he once was with me. Something was missing in his eyes, I just knew it, but I decided to ignore the weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't really do anything for him anymore. It was not for me to take care of his happiness. He made his choice. The only thing that mattered to me now was to know if he was alive or not.

I had actually been scared that he would get hit by a bus.

After I told him those words on the rooftop, the thought of him getting hit by a bus never left me. Though, when I saw him at the high school on Tuesday, still alive and well, I had been so relief. I even thanked the lord above because nothing happened to him. I promised myself to never mention death again, specially when he was concerned. I would have probably shot myself in the head if anything had happened to him.

Well, now that Pierre was officially out of my life, I was trying to discover the new me. Like Joshua liked to say, I needed to forget the past and move on. I already had a few specific ideas of what I could do to forget the said past. I was going to have some real fun.

Suddenly, I felt the presence of someone and when I looked to my right, I had the displeasure of seeing Pierre, standing a few meters away, a lot of books in his arms. None of us moved and we just stared into each other's eyes. So many emotions seemed to be passing through his eyes and I would be lying if I said that I was not feeling anything right now, because I was feeling a lot of things.

I broke eye contact first and continued to search for the book that I came here for. Pierre, as slowly and as hesitantly as ever, came closer to me to place the books in his hands back in the empty spaces on the shelf. I decided to not mind his presence but suddenly, in the corner of my eyes, I noticed that he was throwing a few glances at me. He was not really trying to hide it.

I couldn't understand him. I hurt him. I did not hold myself back when I shouted at him all the horrible things that I could think of but still, he did not look mad at me. He did not look angry at all and that made me wonder why he was not acting hostility towards me. After all, he hated what I was so he needed to act like any homophobic ass would with me.

I quickly changed aisle, not being able to bear being close to him for so long, to continue the searching of my book somewhere else. I wanted to keep my distance from him. Though, he did not seem to want the same thing as me as soon, he came into my sight again. There was nothing in his arms this time and his eyes were fixed on the books on the shelf in front of him, but I was not going to let myself get fooled so easily. I decided to change aisle again but he spoke before I could do so.