Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

52. The Party.

FRIDAY.

Joshua and I were currently having lunch.

Well, he was eating while I was simply writing on a piece of paper. I was actually making a list of things that I wanted to do. So far, all the things that I had ever planned to do in my life, I planned to do them with Pierre but now that he was out of the picture, I needed to make another list of things that I would do on my own to have fun, simply to make myself happy.

"I should go on a little trip during the weekend, don't you think?" I told Joshua with a thoughtful expression. "I found a few clubs on the internet which are not so far from town. Maybe I can try them out. I want to meet new people, if you know what I mean."

"You are really worrying me," Joshua said instead of answering me and I frowned. I looked up at him from my page and saw that he was actually playing with his spaghetti. "You are getting out of control and I don't really know what to do with you anymore."

"Okay, I don't know what you are taking about," I informed him, being completely confused and he rolled his eyes. He grabbed my list and started reading out loud some of the things that I already noted down.

"Getting drunk, sleeping in a car in the middle of nowhere, partying till 5 A.M, having sex with a complete stranger, lying about your name and age to get in a strip club," he raised one eyebrow at the last point and then looked at me in disbelief, I simply responded with a shrug. "Can't you see it? This isn't you. You are changing, Declan."

"Don't be so dramatic," I told him, rolling my eyes. "I'm just trying out new things. I'm still me."

"You are not still you," he protested. "I've been watching you a lot lately and I can definitely say that you are acting differently. You've changed but not in a good way. You get angry easily and you have adopt the 'I don't care' attitude. Now you are thinking about doing stupid and reckless things. I let you a few days to do whatever you wanted, whether it was to shout at Pierre and tell him hurtful things, or when you acted aggressively towards a few people or even when you punched a guy in the face because he made a little comment about you. I accepted a lot from you this week but all of it needs to stop now."

I snatched my page out of his hand and gave him a glare, "You're definitely out of your mind. I'm perfectly fine. Let me live my life, damn it."

"There are better ways to live your life without Pierre," he told me and I groaned.

"This isn't about Pierre. Stop talking about him," I complained.

"But everything is about him," he protested. "You're not living. You are trying to destroy yourself. I personally think that you spent so much time thinking of making your life with him that now you forgot how to live without him."

I huffed and decided to ignore him along with his words. He was wrong about everything. I had been hurt for one entire week and now I was finally healing. Okay, this week, I did do a few bad things and maybe I was a little bit brutal with some people but that did not mean that I was changing. Joshua did not know what he was talking about. I needed to think about myself for once and not about others.

"I don't want you to do something that you will regret later," Joshua said with a worried look in the eyes.

"I know what I'm doing," I assured him as I continued to make my little list. "You must accept how things are now."

"No way I am accepting this," he disagreed, "I refused to deal with that cold side of you. It's like you are trying to not feel anything. Just listen to me-"

"No," I exclaimed, annoyed, "I have enough of listening to you. I'm really thankful for what you did for me during my little emotional breakdown but everything needs to stop. Stop caring for me because you are really getting annoying."