Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

56. Pierre + Veronica = ????

"He won't do it."

"Who knows? Maybe he will."

"I have some doubts; I have some pretty big doubts. Why don't you doubt with me?"

"Because one of us needs to stay positive in this situation, guess that it will have to be me."

"Thanks, Joshua," I rolled my eyes and my friend shrugged.

"Really, Pierre seemed pretty determined to break up with Veronica. Of course, he's freaking out but he will be fine."

"Why do you always do this? Each time I want to give up, you tell me not to and each time I hold on, you tell me to give up. You need to make your mind, you're confusing me," I told him and he let out a light chuckle.

"I'm just trying to find out what's best for you."

"And Pierre is the best for me?" I asked him and I got no reply. I let out a sigh of frustration, "You know, I don't think that Pierre realizes what will happen if he breaks up with that girl. People will ask questions and what will he tell them? What will he tell his parents, what will he tell Veronica? Their relationship was going just great and now he wants to end it. That will seem pretty suspicious, especially if soon after he starts hanging out with us again."

"Now you got me confused," my friend said with a frown, "You want him to break up or not?"

"I don't want my heart to break," I replied, "I'm seriously scared of what he will do. I don't think that he will be able to handle things once he will let go of the bomb. I expect him to run away again if things get too difficult."

"You don't trust him on this, do you?" he concluded, his eyes softening and I took some time before nodding.

"I don't trust him with my heart anymore," was my answer, "I gave it to him easily in the past and he did not hesitate to crush it with his bare hands and now it's in pieces and he wants to stick the pieces back together but what if it doesn't work? What if it is just all a mistake? Can you assure me that I won't end up crying again?"

Joshua stared at me and judging from the look on his face; he did not know what to reply to my words. I was not surprised.

Once again, my friend and I were at the park, sitting at our usual place, drinking coffee and eating muffins. In a few minutes, we would be heading to the high school. The last time we came at the park so early in the morning was about three weeks ago, it was the day that I learnt that Pierre got Miss Veronica as his girlfriend. I was stressing a lot that day and today, I found myself being consumed with the same emotion.

The only difference was that, this time, I was stressing about whether or not he would break up with her. He affirmed me, he affirmed Joshua that he would do it today and honestly, I did not believe any of it. Maybe he was rushing things and maybe he would end up regretting it? I knew that I was the one who at first wanted him to end it with her but after having thought about it a lot, I began to realize that maybe it was not the right thing for him to do.

Maybe he was supposed to be with her at the end of the story.

Maybe I should just give up on him after all.

I was still hurt by his rejection. I could still feel the pain in my chest and really, my heart couldn't handle another deception. God, I loved this man madly, I would probably always love him but the hurt succeeded to make me so scared of him. He had so much power on me already, a power that now I knew I shouldn't have given him from the very start.

I was just a fool madly in love.

"I want things to be normal again," I said quietly, "I can't deal with all of this anymore."