Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

19. Pierre = Angry + Hurt!

Pierre was acting strange.

There was no smile at all on his face, he had a dull look in the eyes and he seemed cold, so cold, specially towards me...at least that was the impression that he gave me. God, even the first time we talked, he never acted like this.

It was like my presence did not make any difference to him. I did not know why I got that feeling. Maybe it was because of the fact that I have been sitting in front of him for almost twenty minutes and he barely said one word to me nor looked at me. Each time his eyes met mine, I would give him a smile while he would give me a blank stare, it was like if I was of no interest to him anymore.

"So," I said as I waited for him to say something. He was the one who came to me, saying that he wanted to see me in the school library to have a chat about my 'disease'. I was confused by the word at first but then I realized that he was talking about the fact that I was gay. It surprised me that he used that word with me but I didn't say anything and just nodded. Of course, we were supervised by his mom. His dad clearly told me yesterday that I could only see his son when his wife or himself were around. I couldn't complain nor protest sadly.

"What makes you think that you are gay?" he asked me at last, reading the words written on a small block note. 

"Um," I thought about it with a frown, "I find guys more attractive than girls I guess. It has always been like this actually. Since a young age, I always watch them more, I like being around them more than being around girls. It became obvious to me that I like boys not girls."

He nodded and then he wrote something down on a blank page placed beside the small block note and I immediately felt weird. It did not seem like a conversation at all to me, it was more like an interrogation made by the police. The question now was, what was I guilty of?

"What are you writing down?" I asked him curiously.

"It's me who ask the questions here so shut up," he snapped at me and I blinked. Okay... "What do you find so attractive about boys?"

"I don't know," I replied without thinking and he raised one eyebrow at me, "You know it's basically the same things that straight men find attractive about girls. Like they may find a girl attractive because she is pretty or nice or soft or maybe because she smells good. Well, it's kind of the same reasons for me, the only difference is that I feel it for boys."

"So you are telling me that you find boys pretty, nice, soft and they smell good?" he questioned and the way he said it made me feel dumb suddenly.

"No," I replied slowly. "It's not exactly that."

"Then how can you say that it's the same?" he asked me.

"I said it's kind of the same," I reminded him and he hummed before writing something down again. "Pierre, are you okay?"

He did not give me any reply and just continued to write down. He was acting like if he did not hear me but I knew that he did, he was just ignoring me on purpose. 

What did I do?

Since he joined his dad and I in the living room yesterday, he has been acting cold. I thought that it was because of his dad's presence but then when it was all over, his dad said that he was going to return me home and Pierre did not even tell me goodbye. Once at home, I texted him but he never replied to me. 

I thought that it would be better today but I was wrong.

"Pierre," I breathed out and he looked at me. Though, before I could say something, he asked.

"Have you ever been intimate with a boy? If yes, in what form? A kiss? Simple touching? Or even sex?"

Of all questions, I never expected that one to come out of his mouth, right here and right now. The question in itself seemed to enrage him and I seriously wondered why he asked it in the first place if it was a problem for him.