Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

62. Declan's Secret Journal (5)

Tic, tack, tic, tack...

I could hear the annoying ticking sound of the clock on my wall.  

I was lying on my bed, rolled into a ball, my knees brought to my chest, with my bedroom plunged in the dark. Everyone else in the house was sleeping and I was trying desperately to do the same but I sadly couldn't fall asleep. Instead, my eyes remained wide opened, the ticking sound resonating in my head, and staring at nothing in particular. I was feeling drained out of energy though, I was feeling dirtied. 

I was disgusted with myself.

Just, what was wrong with me?

Suddenly, my phone vibrated on the bed beside me, the screen now shining brightly, and I groaned, covering my eyes with my arms. I didn't even have to grab the phone to know who was calling me right now. It was Joshua obviously. He left me like a hundred messages since the beginning of the night but I didn't reply to any of his calls. At first, I thought that he would give up on calling after some point but it didn't seem like he was going to stop so soon.

So, as slowly as I could, I moved my hand towards the phone and finally answered him. 

"Leave me alone, Joshua," was the first thing that I said. 

"Fucking hell, Declan!" he exclaimed back at me angrily but I heard the sigh of relief that left him soon after, "What the hell have you been doing? Why didn't you answer any of my calls?"

"I didn't feel like it," I replied honestly. "I'm - I -" I paused and then shook my head, rephrasing my sentence, "I just need you to leave me alone for now."

"You got to be kidding me!" he exclaimed again and I sighed tiredly, pulling the phone away from my ear briefly. I knew that it was a bad idea to answer him. "Declan, you just had a date with-"

"Please, don't call it a date," I cut him off and my hand tightened around the phone, "This was anything but a date. I had one of the worst time of my life."

"What happened?" he immediately asked me then, the worry was clear in his voice, "Tell me, did she say or try to do anything to you? Because I swear to you I'll make her regret it."

"It was horrible, you have no idea," I replied, my body shaking suddenly as I replayed the event of tonight in my head. I swallowed hard, "Melanie succeeded to make me feel so uncomfortable and so insecure about myself and now I - I - I can't even find the correct word to describe how I am feeling."  

I couldn't even believe what I just said. 

I, Declan White, went on a date with a girl for the very first time in my life, and it had to be with Pierre's cousin of all people. I never planned for it to happen, I never wanted it but still, it happened and that simple date affected me more than I would have thought. 

"Declan-"

"Leave me alone," I repeated myself, interrupting him once again. "Please, I don't want to talk to you right now. I don't want to talk to anyone."

"I'm coming to see you then."

"Don't be stupid, it's nearly past midnight," I told him. 

"I don't care, you're not feeling good and I need to be there for you. That's my duty as your best friend."

"God, Joshua, can't you understand? I don't need this right now," I tried to make it clear to him, "I don't want you to comfort me. I don't want any help of any sort. I just want to forget about everything and talking about what happened with you won't make me forget so just leave me alone."

"No, I'm coming at your house," he insisted, regardless of what I just said, "If you don't want to talk, then fine, we won't talk, I won't even ask you any question. We'll just lie on your bed and hug until you fall asleep. I really prefer to be close to you when you are in that state of mind."