Renjun: Day 16, Silence, perfect silence, that's all that's left. It took me two days to be able to speak to paper, I think I'll never leave this place, It's perfect for shipwrecks, yes shipwrecks like me. The forever lonely, forever rejected.
I will speak to the lake only, to birds and trees and never ever see a woman again, yes I will become a hermit with a long beard. I will suffer this eternity of loneliness and maybe one day become a saint. Maybe one day become painless.
The phone rings again and, I can't pick up, even if I know it's Sicheng, he will be laughing, telling me I'm naive. So stupid. A fool. You don't tell a girl who has a boyfriend that you love her, you don't try to give all your love to someone taken, but my heart feels that way. I can't rip it out, change it, exchange it.
What's so disgusting about me, so awfully disgusting no person would ever kiss me. A girl is running away from my kiss.
Ahhhhhh
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