LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

Confused

By Hailee

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Everyone says that they always realized there was always something different about them. I am not one of those people. I thought I was perfectly normal. I've had crushes, and I remember when I was younger than 10 and everything was fine. Everyone just wanted to listen to music, play around, have sleepovers, have fun. It was all anybody cared about at the time. That is, until we all turned 12. We started learning about the real world. I had just lost one of my best friends, and we were struggling a bit financially. People started to bully me because I "didn't look like everyone else."

I just brushed it off and kept my second family close to me, the friends I made in show choir. They helped me through everything. I had a crush on and eighth grader named Kyla. But, I pushed the feelings away a bit to focus on my academics and performances. We had won 1st place once, but never Grand Champion.

I loved performing with my best friends. I met my truly best friends (let's call them Sun and Moon to keep them anonymous), Sun and Moon in my science and language arts classes. Sum and I talked, but not very much. Moon was the new girl at our school, and she was right next to me, so I decided to take a leap of faith, and talk to her. We all became the best of friends. We were so comfortable around each other and told each other everything. I kept some secrets later, though. I got bullied more. People would tell me to go cut myself, kill myself, that I'm worthless, and other things.

I did start to cut, on January 1st, 2017. I hated my life, I hated myself. My friends found out, and they got me some help. I developed a crush on Moon, because she was new and she cared enough to help me. I then realized that I might be part of LGBT+. After a while, I asked her if she was a part of that community.

She replied with, "Yeah, I'm bisexual. Why?" I shook my head, already knowing that Sun was bisexual too.

I then started to question my sexuality. Am I a girl? Am I a boy? Am I both? Am I neither? Am I none at all? Do I like girls? Both guys and girls? All genders? Most genders but not all? Do I notice their genders but like people anyways? I did some research, and I found out I'm pansexual. I developed a crush on a boy named (let's call him) Casper. He was sweet, kind, funny, and he didn't judge me. He had a girlfriend, though. I moved on, and during the summer, I just got back from Washington D.C. I met a girl and a boy named (again, let's call them) Mia and Apollo. I had a crush on Apollo, and the two were twins. Apollo is transgender, female to male, and Mia is male to female. I really didn't even see their genders. They were just like me. I didn't even see my own gender, to be honest. We hung out together every day, going to see all the monuments, memorials, etc. And Apollo and I started a relationship, but it's not serious. Thanks for reading. (:

-Hailee