LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

Discovering Myself

Anonymous

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So, coming from a religious background, I've been raised believing that "boys like girls and girls like boys". All my life, parents and family members have taught me that anyone who disagrees was wrong. If I'm being 100% honest, I didn't even know lgbtq+ existed before last year, and once I found out what it meant, my head would immediately tell me that it's wrong. That no one should choose that lifestyle. (Prepare for ultimate cheese). But that's not what my heart told me. For the next few months I decided not to think about it. I avoided the topic of conversation and focused on guys more than girls (even though I go to an all girls school).

At some point in 2016, one of my friends told us she was bi. And I'm not sure if it's the same for everyone, but to be honest, nothing changed. People at our school still looked at her exactly the same way as before, which I thought was incredible. Now, fast forward to the end of last year; so I met this amazing being: smart, beautiful, funny, pure sunshine with the ability to make me smile even when I couldn't stop crying. At one stage, I thought I had a crush on her. But I decided to push those feelings away, and it slowly but surely disappeared. Now, fast forward to some time this year. So one of my internet friends who I've grown exceptionally close to came out as bi a while back, and I don't know why that triggered something in my head, but it did. When she told me, a picture of someone from school popped into my head. A picture that's been there for a while, but that's been buried beneath song lyrics and memes. When this switch in my brain flipped, my mind took control of my body and I admitted that I was unsure of my sexuality. Up until now she's the only one I've told everything to - everything from the fact that I'm asexual & biromantic to the fact that I have a crush on someone from school. And up until today, I've only been able to tell one other friend about my sexuality. I honestly don't intend on telling the whole world (which is why I wanted this anonymous), but I needed to tell someone the whole story.