LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

Take It Or Leave It

By Jynx

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My story started out in grade 6.Note: I'm not using the real names of the people mentioned in my story, since internet safety is importantI had crushes on guys. To be honest, I got crushes on guys easily, and I thought I was straight.Aaaand then I got a crush on my best friend. Let's call her Lily.I had been friends with Lily for 4 years at the time, and I thought it was just that. But I soon realized I liked her. I liked her more than I'd ever liked a guy.The next year we stopped talking, but I'm so glad I met her, because by just being my friend, she's the reason I know my sexuality. (Even though she doesn't know)At that point, I thought I was bisexual. I kept it a secret, since I didn't know if I'd be judged.My mom had always told me that she'd be okay if I was lesbian.So I told her I was bi.She started telling me it was just a phase. That led to me being hurt, and I thought no one would accept me. The world became a tiny bit dull then.During the next year, I met this amazing girl who was a year older than me. Let's call her Taylor.I met her on October 28th, 2016.We met because of Undertale, and I came to school in an Undyne costume, since it was costume day, and for Halloween I was being the mighty fish warrior. (Who likes girls, so I now realize the costume was perfect!)Anyways, a few months later, I realized I had a crush on her. I liked her more than Lily.And soon after that, she told me she was lesbian.She actually asked what my sexuality was, and since I was terrified, I said I was straight.Now, it's a year later and I regret saying that so much.Now, let's skip to a few months after that. I was on Wattpad, and I found a bunch of LGBTQ+ books that I loved, and one explaining all the sexualities, and everything happening in the LGBTQ+ community, including national coming out day! (which is October 12th, so happy belated coming out day!)Because of that book, I realized I was pansexual.I kept that a secret. My mom didn't seem to accept me. She's still nice, and doesn't treat me differently, but it's like she doesn't want to accept who I am.I still love Taylor, and I'm hoping to come out to her soon.(And I'm desperately hoping she'll like me too! Fingers crossed!)A few weeks ago, Taylor texted me saying that she thinks she's a guy trapped in a girl's body, and that her parents think it's just hormones.This is when I confirmed I was pansexual.I knew I'd love them no matter what gender they were.So, on October 12th, 2017, I told my mom I was pansexual.She asked if I romantically loved everyone, and me, being the dumb person I am, thought she meant if I actually LOVED every person on the planet, and wanted to date every person. -.-I feel stupid.Anyways, she said I don't know if I'm pansexual because I haven't met anyone who isn't a girl or guy, or dated anyone who isn't a guy.I was tempted to say:"I haven't dated any guys either, so how do I know I'm straight, hm?"But I didn't.I so desperately wanted to tell her about Taylor, and how I'd love them no matter what gender they are, but I told myself that I wouldn't tell anyone. (And I'm not putting their secret online, since they could literally be anyone in the world, 'Taylor' isn't even their real name)There is so much terrible controversy on social media, by Wattpad is by far the most accepting.Speaking of social media, I LOVE watching videos like In a Heartbeat, and people silencing homophobes!I looked at one where they silenced homophobic preachers with a dance, and someone singing 'Born this Way' by Lady GagaThere were really supportive comments (including a straight guy saying he'd tongue punch multiple guys just to shut those homophobes up), but in a small comment chain I was in, there was someone who called people in the LGBTQ+ community 'dirty scum' and said they were lucky to live in Some place in Eastern Europe where homosexuals aren't accepted.That made me mad.After arguing (we were both very mature, it wasn't really an argument, but we were just talking about or opinions and such)They were one of the nicest homophobes I've ever met.He/she said they don't think being sent to hell isn't a matter of being gay, and that he/she hoped I don't go to hell.I actually changed his/her opinion on the LGBTQ+ community.They said this exactly:'Thank you for your comment. There is much more to humanity than sexual preference. I have been fed negative propaganda throughout my life, so I don't know any better, but sitting here talking to you, I'm realizing that you're a wonderful person. I feel a bit ashamed to have thought that homosexuals are bad people. I'm tearing up a bit because I have been judged/bullied when I was young, when indeed I was judging homosexuals without even thinking about it. Sorry for my ignorance. Thank you for giving me more insight.'I am and forever will be proud of that.So, don't be mad at people for being homophobes (even though they shouldn't be), it might not be 100% their fault. Be nice, and mature, and try to (kindly) change their opinion.So now it's October 2017, and I've accepted myself as pansexual, and I wouldn't have it any other way.If I could choose to be straight, or gay, or bi, or anything else, I wouldn't do it, because this is me.Ever since I've come out to myself, the world has been much brighter.I'm waiting until I'm not forced to take gym to come out to people at school, because I don't want them to think I'm a pervert because of the changerooms. (even though I'm not, and no one who likes the same gender/sex and changes with the same gender/sex is automatically a pervert)Soon, I'm hoping to come out to my dad, who doesn't say anything about to LGBTQ+ community...When I do come out to him, it will be with my mom in the room, because whether she accepts me 100% or not, she wouldn't let him kick me out, or do anything to me.Anyways, this is who I am.I do not care about your gender or sex, I just care about your personality. I am a mostly-closeted pansexual girl. Even though I haven't come out to everyone yet, I couldn't be prouder.This is me, take it or leave it!