LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

A Year of Realisation | Being Bi

By S

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To be honest, as a kid, the lgbtq+ community was never really mentioned, or addressed. It was always my family telling me I had to marry a boy, over and over again. It wasn't until I started high school that I learnt there were other things than just being gay or straight. It fascinated me that there were so many different feelings people could have, but I was never against it, I never thought it would affect me.

To be honest, as a kid, the lgbtq+ community was never really mentioned, or addressed. It was always my family telling me I had to marry a boy, over and over again. It wasn't until I started high school that I learnt there were other things than just being gay or straight. It fascinated me that there were so many different feelings people could have, but I was never against it, I never thought it would affect me.
It was the start of last year, around 16 months ago, that I started to question my sexuality. That's the earliest I can pinpoint, anyway. When I realised I could be attracted to women, I was terrified. I thought I was over thinking it, I denied it over and over again. This put me in a really bad place for a while, it was even affecting my school work. Then, I decided to put it behind me, convincing myself it was just a phase, that I was forcing myself on these feelings.

At the back end of last year, it began to take over my thoughts again, except this time I realised I was bisexual. There was no denying it. But fear overtook my thoughts, I was scared for my future. When would I come out to my family? It wasn't my parents that would be the biggest issue, I knew they would be upset, and confused. But I knew they would eventually support me. It was the rest of my family. Being Indian, I didn't know anyone, in real life or on the internet, that wasn't straight. My cousins were married to Indians, of the opposite gender, but it wasn't just that. I felt like the rest of my family, especially the older generations, would not be accepting.
Around this time, I met a gay couple, one of them knew my mum since they were young, and he was Indian. This gave my so much hope that I would be accepted when I came out, since my parents were so accepting when we met them. But then I thought about how a man would be accepted more than a woman. It was alright to be gay, but if a woman was, I didn't know how people would react. But I knew they wouldn't react well.

Fast forward to now, I'm still in the closet, but I'm just happily sitting here, waiting for my time to come, I know I'm definitely not ready to come out, but I've accepted myself and I think that is the most important step towards my goal. I also have a crush on this girl, who I recently found out is also bisexual, which is super exciting, I don't know if I will tell her or not.

Finally, I am thinking to come out to my best friend, I dragged her to come and watch Love, Simon with me, and I am constantly hinting it to her, but she never seems to get it. I'm both excited and terrified to tell her, but I know she will accept me, even if it takes time.