LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

Discovery in Progress

Anonymous

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All my life I knew - rather thought - I was straight. I had never had a boyfriend but I didnt see that as a reason to question my sexuality. I didn't like wearing dresses, I hate makeup and I preferred cutting my hair short. But that didnt mean I was lesbian, maybe I was just a tomboy.

I started asking myself if I was really straight or not when I deveoped a major crush on a close friend of mine. We met through a mutual friend and she was openly lesbian, she's a butch. At first I thought she looked a bit cute but I didn't dwell much on it.

It was only after she told me her story; about how she came out to her family and they were against her being homosexual, that we made a deep connection and I realised I was crushing on her. After that we became closer and we'd text every night. We formed this emotional bond, where I felt incomplete if I went a day without talking to her.

One time she randomly asked me why we weren't dating ""'cause it was clear we had chemistry and we liked each other."" I considered dating her, but sadly it didn't work out. We broke up before we even dated. I was devastated, heartbroken, but I had learn't I was lesian. Or so I thought.

I didn't like anyone for a while after her until a year later when I met this other guy. He wasn't really handsome or smart, we had nothing in common. But he wormed his way into my heart, he was there for me during hard times. After my mom's passing, he would speak to me the entire night, just so I didn't have to cry yself to sleep... he was great.

Eventually he told me he liked me, I also liked him, but I told him I wanted to discover myself first before dating anyone because I didn't want to lie to myself or another person. He totally understood, but was he okay with that? Not really.

I still don't know if I'm lesbian, straight, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual or just a weirdo. But it's okay I still have my entire life to make that discovery.