LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

You're an Enby, Rowan: My Non-Binary Journey

By MidnightDragon_03

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So, here I am. I'm a 15 year old enby on the internet who wants to share a story. This is how I figured out my non-binary identity, and have come to accept myself.

First Steps
In current years, I have definitely preferred presenting myself as more androgynous. When I was younger, I loved dresses and pink. As I went through elementary school, I began shifting away from that sort of stuff.

In 5th grade I got my first pair of cargo shorts, and I loved them. I started wearing them all the time, because I loved the how I looked a bit more like the boys in my class. The majority of my clothes though though were very girly. I also put up with dresses.

The Middle School Years
Ah, middle school. The weird limbo phase between elementary and high school where everyone is just this huge ball of awkward, and not sure what exactly who they are or what they want to do with their life.

It was in these years that I really began getting into the LGBTQ+ community, and thinking about how I self-identify.

Around 6th grade is when I first heard the word ""transgender"". We were doing projects on teen activists, and I came across Jazz Jennings. By finding out about her, I found an entire community if people I had no clue even existed; that was only the beginning.

As I progressed through middle school, I began finding out about more identities, and the existence of things outside of the gender binary. Another thing that helped me along was someone I know coming out to me as genderfluid.

Around midway through 8th grade I came out as asexual to my friends. They were totally chill with it, and said it sort of made sense because of how I act when certain topics are mentioned.

Coming out as ace brought me moreso into the community, and I met a lot of people who identified in all different ways. A bit later in 8th grade I came out as queer, because I liked the looseness associated with it and didn't really enjoy calling myself ace anymore.

Once I became a bit more loose with my labels, I began to feel at ease. I started looking a bit more at how the people around me perceived me, and how I wanted to be perceived. This brings us back to rethinking my gender expression.

Throughout 8th grade I tried to keep my style as androgynous as possible. That's how I wanted to be seen, but I wasn't quite sure why. This resulted in lots of loose tank tops, baggy t-shirts, somewhat poorly fitting jeans, cargo shorts, and sneakers with crew socks.

And thus ends the middle school years.

Summer of 2017

July
At this point, I had already sort of established in my head that I wasn't straight. I know gender and sexuality are different, but it was me accepting my queer identity that helped me to figure out who I am.

I spent the first two weeks of July visiting my aunt who lives on the West Coast. It was amazing to see the Pacific Ocean up close. However, it was also on this trip I realized that I didn't really enjoy being introduced with ""This is my niece!"". I didn't want these people who had never met me to think of me as a girl.

During that two week period I started thinking about why it bothered me so much. That's when I started questioning my gender identity.
""Am I really a girl? What's being 'a girl' supposed to feel like?""

After we left the West Coast, my mind was still in a blur. I had started thinking, ""what if I'm not a girl?"" This thought stick with me for quite sometime. I decided to try using they/them pronouns for myself in addition she/her to see how it fit.