LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

Lies On Top Of Lies

By C

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It was in 6th grade, I was 12 at the time and I had just entered middle school. Don't tell me I don't know what love is because I know plenty, and I know it hurts a lot.

My best friend Reini had introduced our other best friend Pay and I, to a new friend of hers named...let's call her Leylie. At first Pay and I hated her. Pay always just ignored her and found ways to make Leylie feel bad about herself. I never did any of that. Yeah I didn't like Leylie but I didn't make her think that.

It would be lunchtime and Leylie would tag along with Reini and hang out with us. Leylie pretty much figured out that Pay didn't like her but that didn't stop her from hanging out with us. One day Leylie caught me during passing period and asked me, "Why does Pay hate me?" And I replied with the truth, "She's scared that you're gonna steal Reini from us." (Which for the record does in 7th grade..our little 3 way group falls apart.)

Over time we started getting used to Leylie.

Reini and Pay rode the bus home while Leylie and I stayed in the afterschool program at school. That gave us alone time, which made us talk about more personal and deeper topics. We usually walked around the school by ourselves until our parents came and picked up up. And that's what we did. I don't remember who brought up the topic but we started talking about our sexuality. I was questioning for the longest so it felt good to talk about it to someone.

"Sometimes I like guys and other times I like girls." She told me. I didn't quite understand what she meant so I just left it as is. I mostly talked and she just listened. "I think I'm gay. I like girls but I've dated guys. What does that mean? Can I change?" I told her. "I don't think you changed. I think you just discovered yourself." I remember her saying. That stuck to me. It felt like she had just given me a million dollars.

We talked about short pecks and kisses we had when we were younger. I felt so connected to her. After that day I had started getting weird feelings whenever I saw her or whenever I heard her name. That feeling started to soon grow.

I remember telling Pay and Reini about it over the phone. Telling them about me being a lesbian and having a crush on Leylie. They supported me. Pay always gave me crap about Leylie saying stuff like, "She's straight Cass. She likes guys. Don't let your feelings get too out of hand." It made sense though. I still hung out with Leylie after school. Sometimes the conversation would die quickly and we'd just walk around in silence.

After months past I realized that my crush for Leylie grew into love. I was now in love with her, or so I felt was love.

On a Friday, once again after school we found out the girls locker room was open. We went inside and roamed the place for a bit. "I used to like you." She said out of the blue. "I used to like you too." I lied. Moments passed. Seconds passed. Seconds turned into minutes. Until I couldn't handle it any longer. "I lied. I actually still like you." I confessed pressing my forehead against one of the lockers. "Really?" She asked. "I still like you too."

My knees turned into jello. I couldn't get out the words I needed to so instead I said, "Oh." I remember her laughing and casually asking if I wanted to be her girlfriend. I, of course said yes. She excitedly kissed me hard on the mouth. She seemed to be taken back by her own actions because she quickly apologized. "Oh my god. I'm sorry." I smiled genuinely. "Don't be." With that said we kissed again. And again. Until her parents picked her up.

The weekend after she told me that she also liked someone else. It was a guy. She asked me the dumbest question I've ever heard in my entire life. "Can I be with you and with him at the same time? Like you'll be my girlfriend and he'll be my boyfriend?" That pissed me off. It really did. I just told her that she would have to choose.

Two days later she comes up to me in the morning and says, "My brothers (who also happen to be 8th graders at my school) found out I was dating you and they told my mom. She wants me to break up with you. I'm sorry Cassidy" Now that could've been true. But I mean she could have lied to her mom and said that she broke up with me. It's not like she's a damn Saint! I said "okay." And off I went. I could literally hear my heart break inside of me. The sound of shattered glass hitting the floor. I was absolutely destroyed.

Less then a week after our breakup I hear from my Reini, that Leylie and the SAME guy she asked if she could date had gotten together.

A year has passed and I'm now 13 years old in the 7th grade. Guess what? Leylie also happens to be in my Choir class, lucky me! Leylie and I act like complete strangers. We steal glances from each other from across the room once in a while but never have spoken since she broke up with me. I'm currently with an amazing beautiful girl that I've fallen hard for, Mia. Even though time has gone by and Leylie and I will probably never speak again, I'm certain that I'm always gonna love her. She was my first real love, she left me with a broken heart. Mia is healing me though. +

And I know that Leylie breaking up with me was probably one of the best lessons someone has ever taught me.