𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

freeze dried romance ~ jonah

inspired by 'drops of jupiter' (fUCk) by train.
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Everytime you lost yourself, he would find you. He would pick you up you up when your knees hit the ground. He would smile for you and there was something in his beautiful green eyes that made you smile too. He was always strong and patient enough to piece you back together. But this time you were too broken.

Each time you had gone down it was because of school or friends or work and Jonah was always able to make it better. He loved making you happy, he loved that he could bring your pretty smile back. When you went under this time though, he couldn't swim deep enough to grab your hand.

You had left your journal open on your desk, he never meant to read it, but when he saw the words "I'm so scared" scrawled across the page as he grabbed your highlighters like you asked, he found himself close to tears by the end of the page.

everyone tells me that im strong, they tell me that i can work though anything and survive the darkest storms with my head held high. but i cant bring myself to believe it. why is it so hard? why do i feel so heavy? why do my emotions drag me across the ground until i feel raw. i think the worst part is the fact that this feeling isn't foreign to me. i try and i try but i let myself down everytime. there are so many people in my life that believe in me. jonah is always such a strong person, he's always there for me, even when im so far from myself. im so thankful for him. but that seems to mean nothing when i cant believe in myself. 

He hadn't noticed his tears until one dropped onto the page. "Jo? Did you find them?" He took a deep breath at the sound of your voice, finding it hard to believe you had been hiding your emotions so well for god only knows how long. "Jonah?" You asked again when he didn't answer you.

He crept out of your bedroom and into the living room where you were, not looking in your eyes. You noticed the cover of your journal hiding behind his hands, your heart jumping into your throat. He finally looked at you, swallowing back the rest of the tears that wanted to surface. "Y/n, what's this?"

"My journal. Did you read it?" You wanted to sound angry, preferring a fight over telling him what's been going on in your mind.

"I-uh- yeah. I did." He finally sputtered out. "Baby," he breathed out, stepping nearer to you. "Why didn't you say anything? You know I would do whatever I could to make you feel better."

Your hope for a fight over this was fading quickly. "I know." You watched him suck in a breath, waiting for you to say something more. "But there's not much you can do this time. This one, this one is on me."

He squinted his eyes briefly, examining you in the dim light of the living room floor lamp. "Is that all you're gonna say?" His words were desperate, like he was giving you his hand but you refused to take it, no matter how much he pleaded you.

"Yeah, that's all I'm gonna say. I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"Y/n-"

"Please Jonah." Your voice rose in the middle of the word, signifying you were close to crying.

He placed your journal on the coffee table, still holding eye contact with you. "Okay. Okay." He slowly made his way over to you, enveloping you in a tight hug before the two of you sat on the couch.