Senseless Abyss (Zero-One Fanfic)

-Chapter 19

-Chapter 19: Hold Heart

"Mari, I'll be back soon. How are you doing right now? Do you need me to get you anything while I'm out?" Allen asks me, probably putting on his stupid tie.

I hate how he dresses. I only hate it when he dresses like that. Everyone else is allowed to dress that way.

"I'm fine." I don't care for anything he wants to do for me right now. He makes me want to vomit.

He steps forward, footsteps coming towards me. I feel lips on my head, placing a kiss on it. I wish I could speak up and tell him where I want him to go.

"I'm heading out so take care. Don't do anything that is bad, okay?"

He's always doing this kind of thing with me. Nothing has changed between us besides me returning to his side after years of being away from him. He's back to his old ways. Instantly back to it.

I look down, staring at my sketch book. "Take care."

"I will."

I look up as he turns away, heading towards the exit of the room. He turns, leaving me alone. Great.

I look back down, staring at my sketch book. I place my hands on it and open it, flipping it. I don't get why I drew a picture of Horobi. Why do I want to focus so much on him? Why am I always thinking about him?

He's cold and detached. It isn't someone who I should focus on because he's so unlikable. He doesn't even give one crap about me. He's all "Destroy the human race blah blah blah" and I'm all like "Save me" all the time.

I close the sketchbook and sigh heavily. "What is wrong with me?" I ask myself. Something is terribly wrong with me.

My mind is captivated by thoughts of Horobi. I want to know more about him each and every single day I see him. He's such a blank slate to me. I literally only know a hand full of things about him. It isn't fair since he knows more about me than most people here in Japan.

I stand up, moving to the front of the mirror. "Goodness..." I look like heck.

I don't know why I am keeping my brown hair, when my hair isn't even that color naturally. I guess I just liked the look of it. For some reason, I didn't want to keep my darker hair before I married Allen. After marrying him, I hated everything about myself.

I turn, looking down at my clothes on the bed. He is always leaving me things to put on in case I feel like visiting him at work. I don't plan on going there, but elsewhere. I need to do something about my face and hair.

I pick up the black long sleeve shirt and swallow hard. This is the best part of my outfit for today. However, the long pink skirt isn't. However, I have to wear it or else.

Here goes nothing.

~.~

My eyes scan a few magazines of girls with lovely hairstyles. All of them are different and unique. I wish I could pull off all of them. Honestly, I do.

"Are you seeing any styles you like?" A young woman asks me and I look up, staring her in the eyes. "I've done all kinds of styles on many different ladies. I have even done the hair and makeup of singers!"

"Can you make my hair black with blue streaks in it? You know, I want it to look similar to this girl from a drama. Hold on." I reach into my pocket, pulling out my phone. I hold it up and unlock the screen, going to my gallery. "Here, this one."

I turn the phone to her, showing the picture on it. It is some Korean Actress who starred in this really good drama. She's really kick butt in it and it just inspired me to try and be different from before. I binged it while Allen slept last night since he allowed me to watch it on my tablet. Apparently, he feels bad for whatever he does to me.