Senseless Abyss (Zero-One Fanfic)

-Chapter 167

-Chapter 167: I'll Find My Way Back Home

Horobi stares at me and I look away, swallowing hard. 

He's been staring at me since he brought me down here because of the Ark. Is there something going on in his mind right now that I should know about? I wonder what he is thinking about at this moment.

"Why do you have so much concern for Zero-One?" Horobi asks me, putting out there what is on his mind. I guess it is time to be honest with the Humagear and stop hiding from the truth.

I look back at him, staring at him in his beautiful dark eyes. "I was in a relationship with Aruto before dating you. He broke up with me because of you," I tell him, being honest and upfront about the relationship I had with Aruto. "We're just friends now because of you."

"He left you because of me?" Horobi's eyes narrow. "Why would he do that? I do not understand why he would give you up just because of me. I can not comprehend doing such a thing." 

"He's jealous of the part of my heart that only sees you. I'm not going to pretend that I don't love both of you, alright? I love you both and I'm having issues figuring out what to do in this kind of situation." It is difficult to wrap my mind around all the craziness around me. "It isn't easy to fix things with him either. He's always going to be worried about you since we all know you're alive."

"You thought I was dead and found someone else. That is why you moved on isn't it? I caused problems for you because of that."

"And it was too late to stop myself from falling for him. Horobi, I thought you were the past and I was wrong apparently. Aruto is right that I'm not fully over you all the way. I have to sort through how I feel and make sure I don't turn down the wrong person. You're the first person I've truly loved and he's the second." It isn't easy tossing aside feelings for someone you care for. "Aruto may have been right." 

I thought I loved Allen, but I loved the person who he made me see. That's not true love at all. That's not even close to being first love for me. Horobi is my true first love and I cherish that love so much. I still have that love for him. I can't get over the love I have for him because he is still here. At the end of the day, Horobi is someone I have fallen for and I can't escape the love I have for him. I have to face it head on and power through this to make sure I do the right thing for these boys here. Right now, I just have to wait this out to see how I feel later on. 

"First love?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, that's what you are to me. It is hard to get over one's first love and that is why I'm having issues getting over you. I don't know if I'll be able to stop loving you, but right now I can't."

"I made things complicated for you again." He looks away from me, looking slightly upset. Is he upset about what happened between us?

"You didn't know about it. My marriage to Gai collapsed and I relied a lot on Aruto when you were out of commission getting repaired." This man is completely refurbished. Minus the module. That's forever gone unless someone decides to repair that part of him somehow. 

"I ruined your happiness."

"No, I ruined my own happiness." I shake my head and lift up my hand, bringing up to his face. "I allowed myself to get closer to you again. Aruto was right about there being a problem and I can't be with him unless I figure this all out." And I do desire being with Aruto since he's safe and he makes me comfortable. 

I've been cruel to Aruto. I've tried giving him my all, but I just couldn't let Horobi go. Everyone told me he was someone I should worry about, but I didn't believe them. I tossed aside their concerns and kept going like nothing was wrong. It is best for me to sort this out isn't it? That is the right thing to do.