Senseless Abyss (Zero-One Fanfic)

-Chapter 177

-Chapter 177: Love is a Cruel One

Allen places down a cup of tea in front of me and I bow my head a bit.

We're learning how to get along more and more each time we see each other, but it is still hard getting over our past we share. How does one truly get over what happened then? I wonder how he keeps his cool around me. I know that I do things that upset him still, so I am curious about that. I just don't want to bring it up to him because it could cause a problem.

"I want to talk to you about your relationship with Horobi. I know that it is complex, but I don't know everything about you two. I want to understand you both," Allen says, bringing up what he wants to talk to me about. I don't think there is any way that I can get out of this.

"You want to know about me and Horobi?" I think most people that know me know enough about us as it is. "There isn't much to say about us." We had our time together and it was fun, but it isn't like it was meant to be. 

"You're in a tough spot with him aren't you? He wants to destroy humanity while you don't." Allen has a point there. 

"I know." I don't agree with what he has decided, but I have to accept that is just how he feels right now. He's scared. "Horobi is afraid of the Ark coming back to hurt Jin. I think that is why he's being the way he is right now. He really doesn't know how to deal with things normally due to the teaching him to use violence to solve his problems."

"You should pick which one you want to spend your life with and not lead them on. You could hurt them by accidentally making either one think that you want that with them. Mari, this is serious. You have to make a choice."

He wants me to decide between the two right now? That is asking for a bit much isn't it? How can I make a decision right this moment? This isn't the time to make such a decision. I can't do it at this moment until this is all done with. 

"Allen...I..." I just can't do it at this moment in time. 

He lifts up his hand and I flinch.

"Mari, I'm not going to hit you," he says, placing his hand on the top of my head and patting it. "I am not trying to make you pick one right this moment, alright? I want you to start thinking about it and then decide who is worthy of your heart. Do you want Aruto or do you want Horobi? It is your choice to make, so don't let anyone else decide that for you."

What do I even want? I love being with them both, but there clearly has to be a winner between them. I can't keep dragging them both around and expecting the moment to decide it for me. I have to decide what I truly want, but in the future. Not right now. 

"Sorry, I am still unsure about how you're going to be around me at times." I try not to freak out around him, but inside of me somewhere I do. It is hard to know how he's going to treat me due to our past history.

"Once this is all done, please get help for your mental health. I know that you're pretending to be so strong. It is fine to not be so strong, Mari." Allen wants me to get help? "If you don't get help, I'm afraid you'll crack. You may be strong, but you're quite fragile."

"I am fine." I can handle everything right now. "I only want to focus on the things that needed to be focused on right now." I will handle that issue later on. I don't think I'll crack anytime soon. 

I need to focus my attention on Horobi and trying to stop him right now. Horobi is completely misguided, but he does have good intentions. Horobi isn't trying to kill humans because he's awful and evil, he wants to kill them because of the threat they pose to Humagears. I don't blame him for viewing things the way he does due to his history. In his short, but long Humagear life, he's seen awful things.