Senseless Abyss (Zero-One Fanfic)

-Chapter 84

-Chapter 84: Or Maybe I Did

**Trigger warning here for self-harm (Don't worry, it only happens once and it leads to a part of the story in the second half. If you can guess what it is, I might give a spoiler on it. It does come with some Mari character development too, so this isn't useless). Thanks.**

"Have you thought about what you did and how you were for doing it?"

I look at him, forcing a smirk onto my face as he stands at the edge of my bed. "Me? I did something wrong?" I shake my head. "No, I believe I was in the right." 

I don't want to deal with this smug piece of crap right now, but I am stuck in his place in the room he gave me. I made a huge mistake putting my life story out there and making him look good. He's happy that he looks good, but he is still mad at me for doing that against his wishes. Well, life isn't a happy thing. He shouldn't expect everything to go his way.

"You're ungrateful for all I have done for you, Mari. How can you be this way after all I did for you to save your life? I am the one you owe for helping you out. I've prevented you from danger." What is he even going on about? He did none of that!

"You saved me for you own selfish goals. You never once saw me as the person I am. You're like Allen, Gai," I state, answering him harshly. I drop my smirk and glare. "If I could kill myself, I would just so I could be away from you. But if I do that, I'll be leaving a lot behind and you'll just keep doing what you want to do." And I'm not about to do that to Aruto. I refuse to end my life because of all the good still in it and I want to protect that good. 

"I have always seen you for who you are and what potential you have, Mari. I do everything that I do because I want to take care of you." 

"You're always watching me! Gai, that isn't normal," I tell him, glaring at the cruel man. "I need room to be my own person." I've hardly had time to be the person I should be. I have always been who everyone else wanted except when I came here. I thought I was my own person and did as I saw fit.

Gai looks away, looking really ticked off. "I married you because of who you were as a person." Because of who I am as a person? That is a lie! "I had a lot of reasons to marry you, Mari, and that is the major one." 

"You don't love me." I stand up, getting off the bed. It is a pretty dang soft bed. "This isn't about me as a person, Gai. You don't even see me as someone you want to love. How can I stay married to you when you don't love me?"

He looks back at me. "Our marriage isn't meant to be one of love. If you want love, you certainly married the wrong person. I appreciate you as a person when you're good to me, but when you're like this it is hard to appreciate you when you're doing this." So, this is my fault? He's so wrong on that.

But he is right that I should have married someone out of love. I only married him to cover my own behind, which was the wrong thing to do and I feel terrible about it. There are guys out there who would be honored to marry me, but I picked him in the end. I picked someone with a lot of power and the ability to piss everyone around him off. Just how much power does this man have? 

"You don't have any clue what I wanted to be like to you when we got married do you? I thought we could build love and have complete trust in each other. I didn't sign up for having someone I cherish threatened and treated like utter shit!" I never wanted to bring Aruto any pain, but that is what I did. And I did want to try and make this work with Gai, but I see now that is impossible. 

"And you allowed that man access to your body and soul. How did that go for you?" He puts his hands behind his back and keeps his intense gaze on me. I've never seen him more ticked off before than this. This is the first time I've seen him like this over something I've done.