At All

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Eric

Mari and I sat in a the dark not saying a word to each other after we finished. We laid, completely naked becoming one. Her head laid on my chest as the minion lit up the room. I thought about the things I said to her and while I was hurt I would probably take her back a thousand times over. The act that put on was pure out of pure anger and not being able to put words to my real emotions. I wondered if I got Hadiya or Yani pregnant would she respect my choice to expand my legacy if she went through with it Would she take me back or would I be a dog ass nigga that I used to be?

"I have to go to LA for a few days." I broke the silence. I had planned on just leaving the city and letting her wonder but I didn't want to put that much effort in to making here feel like shit.

"LA?" She asked as She began to shift. I looked at my phone thinking I have got ready to go on to the office. Aden pushed out door open as we both got out of bed. I searched for a pair of shorts.

"Yeah. For a day or two." I said scooping Aden up before he burst in to tears. Aden laid his head in my shoulder as I spoke to his mother. She got really quiet and her eyes began to water. I took some time to look at Aden before I spoke.

"What's on your mind." I asked her as I watched her take the sheets off of the bed.

"Do you want me here? I mean after last night I'm not going to assume that everything is cool you know? I can give you time if you need time." She asked pulling the flat sheet towards her. Having sex may not have been the best way to end the conversation but it sure felt good.

"Amari if I didn't want you here I wouldn't have told you to come  after... after the clinic. I'd like y'all here. As weird as all this is I need y'all here." I said truthfully. I love the girl but as much as I want to jump in to us it's not that easy.

"I want to be here. I just want that to be clear..." I cut her off as she balled the sheets up to wash them.

"We are moving forward. I may be uneasy but I love you. But I do have to go." I looked at the time knowing I had to shower and go. She took Aden and for the fist time in three days I looked her in the eye.

"I love you too Eric. I just want to make this right." I leaned in to a kiss. A part Kev me wanted to kiss her but the other part wanted to end the conversation.

"Do you want this to work?" She asked me. She had a right to be skeptical. I had just told he that we were done.

"Before we start fucking and I fall in love again I want to know if This is for the long haul end that you won't just up and leave me with a set of twins." That was my fear. It was different for her when there was only one baby which is understandable. But she could have these babies and leave. If that was the case I needed to be prepared.

"Look at me." She said as I started to bet dressed.

"I shouldn't have... it's a little to late for the fucking..." she caused me to laugh.

"I leave for LA tonight and I just want you to be here when I get back."

"I'm sure I don't want to go through this with anyone but you. These babies are obviously meant to be here and I am sorry that I thought other wise. Not knowing that I was pregnant made me feel like I had no business trying to have another baby. I had already put what I was growing at risk and I felt like shit. I want to say once and for all that it had nothing to do with timing, at least not this time. That was just easy to say. It's not about the money, you moving up, or you. I felt like I didn't deserve to be pregnant or to see who ever I who ever the baby would be grow. I shouldn't have shut you out of that and I know that now. I killed the communication aspect of this relationship and that's why I'm saying this now. I wanted an abortion because I felt like I put the baby, well babies, at risk and I didn't want to face it."

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