The Broken Souls (Beyond the love)

8. My beautiful neighbor

Trigger warning, things becomes depressive here. Please read at your on risk.

Dhruv's point of view

I rolled the sharp blade around my finger and looked at it blankly. I was thinking how it feels when the sharp edge of the knife touched your bare hand and cut your pulsing nerve slowly, giving you the unbearable pain. How it feels when blood streams out from your vain, staining your all clothes but give you the pleasure you are craving for.

You feel the pain first when the sharp edges of blade cutting your skin slowly but when pain reached on its peak point you started feeling numb. But you feel relax that finally you are getting punishment what you deserved. When all blood drained out from your body you will slowly sleep in death's lap.

You supposed to die but you live long enough but God already made his plane for you. He is already ready to send you in hell because you don't deserve earth or heaven. You only born to roat in hell.

Hii..my name is Yash. Are you new here?

His voice echoed inside my head like I met him yesterday. My mind was telling me to feel the pain once again. It wanted to see my blood and telling me, how much disgusting I am.

The pain was unbearable every time.

I traced the sharp edge of blade on my hand and cut my skin slowly.

They loves to hurt me Dhruv. It gave them pleasure.

I yelped in pain but I didn't stop, I keep cutting my skin until I seen the blood streaming out from me. I wanted to feel the same pain which he went through every single day. I again missed my vain but my mind was feeling satisfied looking at my blood. It was laughing inside me and telling me how pathetic I am, I can't complete the little task.

I can't live anymore like this. It hurts to live like this. No one can save me not even you. Take care my friend. See you in heaven.

A lone tear fell from my right eye when I remember his last words. He told me to meet him in heaven but I know, I didn't even deserve the hell.

Maybe it was an easy punishment for me to die easily but I don't deserve to live also. Every single day, my guilt becomes heavier than the other day and it was eating me from inside like a leach. It was like breathing becomes the most toughest task in my life.

I threw the blade away and look at my bleeding hand. He must be felt like this when the monsters in his life used to cut him. His body also went numb with pain when his parents used to beat him till he lost his consciousness. I could have save him.

I could have save him from those monsters but I didn't. He deserves to live but monsters in his life took his life and I was standing there watching him took his last breath. I am not less than any monster. I could have helped him but I was cowered standing there and watch him when he hanged himself to death infront of me and I couldn't do anything.

He saved my life many time but he threw himself in a pit of hell.

Should I deserve to be live?

No...

But I can't give myself an easy death. I deserve a slow and painful death. I want to go through every single pain which he went through every day. I want to count every single breath of mine when I took my last breath. Maybe after that god will forgive me. Maybe then I can ask my forgiveness to Yash. My vision get blurr, tears welled up in my eyes when I feel his pain which I feel for past four years.
Suddenly my eyes fell on my IAS preparation books.

I want to become an IAS officer.

Tears streamed out from my both eyes when his words echoed in my mind. It wasn't me who want to become an IAS officer, it was him, who wants be an IAS officer but before he could achieve his dream, he sleep in the lap of death. This world tortured him till he hang himself to death.