The Broken Souls (Beyond the love)

43. Missing him

Aditi's point of view

Why do they call it crush?

Because that's how you feel when they don't feel the same way in return.

You know the deepest in your heart that you love him but you also know that he doesn't love you back that is why no matter how much you love him, he was still your crush until he feels the same for you.

I have a hopeless crush on someone, I have no chance with. I ma afraid to loose him and he is not even mine, maybe he will never be mine.

Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything, raises the standards, makes you laugh and makes you feel like you. There is something about him that you can't put into words and even though you are not with him you don't want to let him go.

Just like I know Dhruv can't be mine but I don't want to let him go. It's not about his physical presence it's about in my heart. I always want to keep him in my heart with me because I know I can't love anyone the way I love him.

Technically I am single but my heart was taken by someone I can't call my own.

I am practically married to him in my mind that's why I fasted for him Karrwa chauth fast every year for his long life and successful career. I can't tell you how many times I've fallen asleep with Dhruv on my mind and woke up the same.

I don't know who will he chose to be his life partner but I know he is my husband and I am his wife in my heart. I never come into his path and sacrifice my love for him but he always with me in my heart till my last breath.

His thoughts never leave my mind and bring smile on my lips along with tears when I misses him just like now. I was beaten up after I came home for my silly mistakes, books are open in my lap for my upcoming exams, my body was aching in pain but still I have smile on my face only because of his presence in my mind and keep me reminding how he took care of me today. From my clothes to my food, from my tears to my smile.

Only a month left for my internship and I may not see him as often as I like he's still my first and last thought everyday and night.

It sucks, doesn't it, liking someone you can't have, seeing them everyday but knowing that they will never be yours. It's the worst feeling, cause all you can do is dream about and wish for them but never have them.

After this internship, I will be back to my hell. There will no Dhruv who gives me the food and took care of my clothes or pay for my pending exam fees. There will be no one to take care of me. Sometimes I thought, I am doing the wrong, letting Dhruv again close to my heart because it will rip my heart when he again leave me. He will again forget about me and there will be no Aditi in his life.

I wiped the tear which fell on my book, open in my lap and wet it's pages. These thoughts are painful but I know it's the reality and I learn how to accept the reality and live with it. I no more dreams about something which can't be true but I could not stop my self loving him. Sometimes I wish I died because this feeling of leaving him again kills me from inside.

It's 1 A.M of the night. Everyone sleeps in their respective room after insulting me in many ways and I ma here in my kitchen with my books to study for my exams but lost in Dhruv's thought.

I wiped my tears and again tried to focus in my book but suddenly I heard the some moments in the bushes. I took the candle with me because I am not allowed to use any light and walked out the back door of kitchen which opens to the backyard of house.

I walked close and the moment in the bushes get faster. My heart was beating faster and I can feel the sweat  on my forehead with the horrible thoughts.