The Broken Souls (Beyond the love)

29. Hallucinations

Dhruv's point of view

I hate seeing everything blooming around me while I am here still withering into nothingness. I feel like, I am already dead so what difference would it make. I was just breathing not living. The soul inside me dead the day when I lost my best friend, Yash. When he leave me forever and left me behind to complete his dream.

I get my hope again when I saw the beautiful girl in my neighbourhood but again I lost my hope so what's the reason gor me to live.

Did I find the peace after completing the dream of my best friend?

I am still finding the answer but somewhere I know I am more broken than before. I am more fucked up than before. Death is not the greatest loss for me. The greatest loss is what dies inside while I am still alive, still breathing.

Everyone's around me seems happy and joyful, after all this is the biggest day of my life for them but why I am not happy? Why I am still feeling lonely? Like still there is something very important I have to do.

I was sitting here like a puppet and doing everything as my master says. People were laughing around me and teasing me for god knows what reason but their voices irritating me.

"Nilam ji, I think we should soon finalize the engagement date." My mother said to Priya's mother. Priya looked at me and blushed but I found it useless because I didn't find it attractive. I didn't gave her any reaction and again looked at the same place I was looking before.

I again attempted the fail suicide attempt. That night Nikhil saved me, I don't know how but when I wake up, I found myself in hospital, surrounded by my family and a crying mother beside me. I still remember what happened in hospital and how I end up in this situation.

I was having a difficulty to open my eyes. But when I did, I regretted. Mummy was a crying mess, papa was looking at me with concern. Divya wasn't looking less, her eyes were all red, she must cried all night. Nikhil was glaring at me and my bhabhi, Nikita was looking at me with disappoint fill eyes. I feel bad for her, she was tired and handling a two years old toddler wasn't an easy job.

"What the hack you were thinking Dhruv? If I was seconds late, you might be dead." Nikhil shouted in me. His eyes were filled with rage and Nikita bhabhi was trying to calm her.

"Dhruv bhiya why did you do such thing?" Divya asked me while sitting beside me on the bed.

"Son you disappoint us. I thought, you were happy." I looked at papa and he was looking at me with fatherly love. In last eight years, I saw disappointment in his eyes for me, first time. He wasn't looking at me with proud. But no one know how badly I wanted, not to open my eyes again in this world.

I don't have any answer to give anyone. Not just they, I am disappointed by myself. My life is disappoint with me. I don't have any reason to live.

Everyone has their own reasons to live. Mummy-Papa lives for each other and for us. Nikhil had his own family, Divya also has her own reasons. But I don't have any reason. I am alone and tired to find that reason. If someone give me that one reason to live I will give me life to keep that reason of my life with me.

"We will give you more freedom. From now own you will live with us." Mummy said while wiping her tears. My heart torn apart when I saw the tears in her eyes because if me.

"I am good to be alone mummy. I won't live with all of you." I said while rubbing my temple with my fingers.

"What...? Leave you alone. So you could again hurt yourself. " Again Nikhil shouted on me.