The Book of Voltaire 5 VOLUMED BUNDLE

Book I - Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Cursed and Thirst

I woke up. Hunger is 1, Humanity is 6. The more I do good things the more humanity I will gain no matter how random my dice rolls are. And of course, the more I feed the more it feeds the beast inside of me that might go wild any moment but it also feeds my humanity from falling to a bestial blood rage. I went outside for the night as Seras is now playing some Steam games I bought in March. She's enjoying Gmod. I went outside at nightfall, there was no sunshine. I missed it...

July 24th, 2021, the night before my birthday. Mom is coming home from Japan after she retired since she's too old and weak to work now. And as for my big brother in North Carolina with his new family is working hard as a professional worker to give us the finances we need and the blood packs I need to drink of course. They're quite expensive. Each time in the mornings before my father leaves the house to buy me those bags I ask him the AB+ blood type as he copied and noted he well damned remembers. I took Seras with me that night. It's good thing the windows inside the car were tinted as well, father bought us our own family car. Also with the help of my big brother's extra finances. It was a Montero Sport painted in Black. We were in Manila City and I started getting emotional crying how much I missed the place. It was the afternoon at that time and the glasses were tinted for UV sunblock. Dad really did all these modifications for the whole house to be tinted and dimmed and as well as for even the car to be tinted so there won't be sunlight and yet I still were wearing shades. Once we reached the mainland of Manila City at Quezon, I took off my shades but did not roll down the window. I can see clearly what the sun looks like again for the first time in months. The other side is tinted but from the inside, it's clear as crystal. I cried because of how beautiful the sunlight is and asked dad if he can ever take me on road trips to see the sunlight in Manila because here in the city the sunlight is the most beautiful! I missed it so much I went on an emotional breakdown. Dad tried to comfort me saying everything will be okay and will, of course, take me on road trips just to see the sunlight. I did not care how heavy the traffic was, I was too distracted looking at the beauty of sunshine. And here I saw a rainbow. Well since it was storming thunder raining cats and dogs last night the whole night, Seras was scared and I tried to comfort her from the thunders all night. I fell asleep in the car since daytime is my greatest weakness.

Then soon I woke up around 8:34 PM it's night time and I feel my adrenaline surge of the night back again! I went to buy a pack of cigarettes and smoked all night. We were waiting for my mother and as for my fledgling always accompanying me at all times outside of the terminal of the airport. We were at Terminal 1 which is the highest grounds of NAIAX Manila International Airport. Mother already knows what I am, still she still sees me as that childish immature and quite mentally unstable human child she saw when I was a kid. No matter how hysterical I get, she just thinks I was happy during those times. And I did missed my humanity years. The years I've spent when I was not fully awakened... a vampire with high humanity even in the body... just a fledgling yet overpowered, I was the most compassionate human everyone ever saw and I didn't bat an eye to that. Everyone cared about me when I was human yet vampire, when I was not awakened at the time, a fledgling I might call it. Yes, 11 years I was a fledgling and everyone liked me for being like that. Being human. And all I cared about during those days of humanity I still had in my whole aspects of myself was to care about what toxic society judges me for. And cared about nothing but antagonizing people who actually cared about me, and always trying to kill people who gets in my way to get just a bit of my own dopamine when I neglected my serotonin. I become hysterical when dad refuses to give me Red Bull or Lipovitan, and he always gives. My mother was right, I focus on my self delusion of superiority complex because all I feel is inferiority as made it my own self coping mechanism, mother was right all along about my entire self more than the doctors know me. She knows that I am selfish, evil, manipulative, a person that can't change and can't be trusted I mean, look at what I did, I killed people just so I can have the high pleasure of overdriving dopamine of drinking human blood just for what? At what cost?! NOTHING! BUT TO KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE! THAT IS WHAT I TRULY AM! A MONSTER!!! Here... I regret everything, when I was a fledgling that was purely human and have small vampiric feats, I can still do anything, I guess... The Fool Card went reverse this time for my tarot divination inside my head. I wish to go back in time and should have changed while I still can but that's too late for me now... I shouldn't have drank human blood just so I can become powerful, I did got what I wanted but not what I needed, at what cost? Just to kill innocent people who do not deserve to die, and my venom is too powerful enough for them to turn into flesh eating ghouls which might be the new pandemic... or vampirism will spread wildly fast as a new infection that no even science can comprehend nor understand. I still had my human years and did not become content while at it. I just became selfish and spoiled. And a huge brat that wanted nothing more but caffeine and stimulants and some drugs that might be even illegal in the first place. And overdose on my own prescription pills when my entire family doesn't know where to find money to buy all these pills and we barely go to the doctor unless my prescription expires. I can't do this... I am insane. Not clinically insane anymore but supernaturally insane which means I'm in Hell, in deep shit of big big big whole lotta Hell.