Tom Kazansky: My Snowman

Night Ten

A/N: Warning this gets deep for Nick, and Fast like. Geez he just let's loose right away. There are sensitive topics. So this is your warning. Also just to say I searched "Tom Kazasnsky" on Wattpad and this story came up as the second one. That's never happened to ANY of my stories and I'd like to thank all you wonderful readers for that! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! This is also a shorter chapter but it is DENSE I promise. (Reminder they are watching the outsiders for movie night)

Thursday July 17th, 1986 - 10pm 

Nick and I sat on the couch - fully invested in the movie. The popcorn was about halfway gone by now. Nick had begun to dig into the gummy worms and I had began to eat the snow caps. 

"Hey man you know that Steve guy?" I pointed to the screen. 

"Yeah, yeah that new upcoming actor, Tom Cruise or whatever?" Nick responded with a mouthful of popcorn. 

"Yeah, yeah! Doesn't he kinda look like PETE?!" I exclaimed. Also had a mouthful of popcorn. 

Nick and I laughed because yeah - this Tom Cruise guy looked almost exactly like Maverick. 

I tried peering into Nick's feelings now. 

"So Nick, what's been bothering you brother?" I asked, continuing to watch the movie. This was the best way to get Nick to open up about his deepest feelings. Make it like he's simply talking to himself. 

"Top Gun, My family growing, just everything. yet nothing at all" He sighs. 

"That - makes no sense" I shook my head, taking a sip of the water from my water bottle. When there was lots of sweets the best thing to do was - drink lots of water to combat the sugar. 

"I know, I just feel like. I don't know. I can't like see myself past graduation. I don't know why. I just feel like I'm not spending much time with my family as I should be. With the new on on the way. I just - I don't know if it's because of the past but... I just don't see the little thing actually existing this time around. I just feel like these next few weeks, I just don't see myself there" He vented. 

"Don't see yourself how Nick?" I asked. 

It was silent for about half an hour. Nick seemed to be working up the courage to say something as he fiddled with his thumbs. 

The movie was over now, as we watched the credits Nick finally answered my question, "Alive. I don't see myself as... Alive" 

My neck snapped to look directly in Nick's direction, "Nick? Is this because You don't want to be alive?!" 

"No, no no!" he reassured me, "I just, it's a sixth sense I guess. Just a feeling. I don't know if it's because I don't know what happens after graduation... I just something is just, feels off. I don't know why. I just. Even if it's not that - which I hope it's not. I don't see my daughter actually existing - I think that may just be trauma though. And well, after Top Gun, I don't want to let Pete down. I just don't think I can risk my life anymore. Not with the family growing" He circled up into a ball, wrapping his blanket around him. 

"I -Nick, Normally I know what to say - but now..." I did the same, leaning against the back of the couch. 

"It's okay - I don't need problem solving right now, I just - I needed to at least get it out." He sighed. 

"I know what you mean, but just know I'm always here to listen to you Nick. You're my brother, nothing will change that. I think you're just stressed and not taking care of yourself." I added this to try and bring down the seriousness of what Nick just said. These things weren't something to be taken lightly.