Straight Bro and I, pt. 4 (Long)
I did not sleep well. Tossing and turning, choking back nervousness and fear the whole night. I couldn’t get myself to look at Daniel, less than twenty feet away on the couch. I’ve never seen him like that before. Even when he’s mad, he still has energy, a power, a silver lining of sorts. Not dead eyes, not a look of pure confusion.
Daniel was in his head. Completely. And I couldn’t stop overthinking about what it might mean. For us.
Yeah, it was fun, yesterday. I never want to forget that. But what if I lose him? What if he’s done with our friendship? He’s straight, and what we did wasn’t very straight, even looking past the “bros being bros” nature of it all. He looked at my asshole. He watched me play with my asshole, and he came all over the floor in front of another guy playing with his asshole.
Oh shit.
I feel a couple of tears welling up at the corner of my eyes again, and I choke them down as best as I can. I roll over, and shove my head hard into the pillow, clenching my eyes.
I’m not much of a religious man anymore, but I was praying to everyone that was listening to keep my friend. Whatever it takes.
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I lift my eyes from the pillow, take a labored breath. I must have slept just a little. I don’t remember the dreams, if I had any, but I’m sick to my stomach, my mind a hundred miles a minute. Even in my sleeping mind, I couldn’t get rest.
I carefully lift my head, reach for my phone on the bedside table. It’s just after 6:00. The sun is starting to peek above the hills on the other side of the apartment.
I lift my body, still completely nude after last night, and walk over to the bathroom, shutting the door before I turn the light on.
I’m not completely soft, but I’m not hard either, so I can easily maneuver my dick and take a piss without spraying everywhere. This is one of the first times in a month that I haven’t woke up with morning wood. That tells me that my brain never turned off.
Fuck.
The last part of the stream splashes against the water in the toilet, and I flush, washing my hands as quietly as possible. But my stream was heavy, the rushing water was loud. If he’s at all conscious, he’s awake now. I look at myself in the mirror. Dark circles for days around my blue-green eyes. My eyes are just a bit bloodshot, too. I sigh, and splash water all over my face.
Then I shut off the light, and open the door.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a seated figure. Daniel is bundled in the blanket, sitting up, facing the black TV. He doesn’t really acknowledge me, either.
I walk over to my bed, and pull out a pair of boxers, throwing them on. And I consider dropping back in bed, but I need to know.
I turn around, and slowly walk towards the couch, with my best friend sitting silently in the shaded environment.
Mostly silent. I hear his breath, and then a small nasally gasp, like he’s trying to hide his noises.
I stop, and gently speak. ‘Daniel?’ No response.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask, and my voice is wavering now, too.
I look, and that’s when I see the tears streaming down his face.
I can’t take any of this anymore.
I walk over, drag him to his feet, and take him in a bear hug, tight. He’s shaking, just a little, and I can feel wetness on my bare shoulder, but I don’t let go. And now I’m crying too, and my heart is fast.
