Bring Me To Life

Save me

Jenn's Perspective

The morning after our heated argument, I found myself standing outside Ben's office door. It was locked, and my heart raced as I knocked gently, not knowing what to expect. Ben opened the door but stood there, blocking my view inside. I looked up at him, a nervous knot in my stomach.

"Can I come in...?" I ventured.

"For what?" He replied, his tone guarded.

"To talk," I replied softly, desperation in my voice.

"I don't think right now is the best time..." Ben began, but his words faded as I pushed past him and saw the four empty scotch bottles.

"Benjamin Affleck... I knew it! You lied to me again!" I yelled, my anger bubbling to the surface. He quickly covered my mouth.

"Shh, the kids are going to hear you," he snapped.

"I knew that having the doll was going to set you off! I knew it but didn't want to say anything. When did you start drinking again?" I snapped as I slammed the door shut.

"After Italy... I was stressed... I know we are having another baby already after Juni. She'll barely be a year, I just... I'm just nervous. That's all," Ben confessed, his voice filled with regret as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"So you hid this from me instead of asking for help...? Ben... I don't want an alcoholic to be a part of my children's lives," I said, tears welling up.

"Jenn, I have it under control. I promise," Ben offered, trying to reassure me, though it was clear I wanted nothing to do with him after this.

"I don't even know what to say to you besides being disappointed and disgusted," I said, pulling away and retreating to our room.

Ben sighed and stared at the empty bottles, a deep sense of regret washing over him.

Violet had been eavesdropping, and at the end of the hallway, she'd heard everything."Mom," Violet said softly, and I turned to see her.

"Good morning, baby," I greeted her, trying to keep my emotions in check as I hugged her tightly.

"I heard everything, and Dad did this when Sam was born... it's not the first time he's relapsed. I'm sorry he did this to you. I remember how stressed my mom was when he did this, but I promise I'll be there to help out as much as I can," Violet said with understanding.

"Violet, it's not your fault, and you don't have to... it's not your responsibility. I appreciate it, but please don't feel bad. This is your dad's fault, and it has nothing to do with you or your siblings," I told her as tears streamed down my face. Violet pulled away slightly and wiped my tears away.

"As your oldest daughter, it's my responsibility to take care of my mom when she's in need of help. I don't care if you reject my help; I'm helping. Okay?" She declared and kissed my forehead."Okay... I appreciate you so much, Vivi. You have no idea," I said softly, feeling an overwhelming surge of gratitude. She led me back to my room and called my mom, handing me the phone. After thanking her, she left the room and closed the door behind her.I poured my heart out to my mom, laying bare all the painful details.

"Mija... he has a disease... you can't completely cure it... you either stick with him or leave," Lupe advised.

"But, Mom... we just renewed our vows... I would prefer if he cheated on me instead of drinking again. How can he be such a screw-up? He was doing so well with the kids, and our marriage was going fine. What did I do wrong that caused this?" I sobbed.

"You didn't do anything wrong except be a supportive wife and mother. Now, like I said earlier, you can stick with him or leave," Lupe reiterated.

"I can't just leave him like that. I love him, Mom... I love every piece of him except for his drinking," I confessed.

"Okay... then I guess you're sticking with him," Lupe concluded.

"Wait..." I stopped crying when I noticed something orange sticking out from under the bed. I picked up the orange bottle and realized it was the medication Ben was supposed to be taking."

You're kidding," I gasped.

"What? What happened?" my mom inquired.

"This, um, he hasn't been taking his medication, Mom. It's still a full bottle!!!" I exclaimed, unintentionally yelling.

"I'll call you back," I said, hanging up and storming into Ben's office, where I threw the bottle at his chest.

"You haven't been taking them!" I accused him.

"Stop," Ben sighed as I confronted him.

"Why haven't you taken them?" I snapped.

"Because..." Ben said softly.

"Why? We're married! You're supposed to tell your spouse everything!" I yelled.

"Because they make me depressed, Jennifer! I can't act happy for so long! I just want to be happy! I gave them a chance for a few months, and I'm tired of having good and bad days and acting like everything is fine! I'm not fine! I can't take any more drugs! I am sorry for this, but I can't take it anymore!" Ben confessed, his emotions raw and evident.I felt an overwhelming mix of guilt and sadness for snapping at him without understanding what he was going through. I had thought my husband was okay...

"Okay... we will... start something else then... no medication... maybe rehab again..." I suggested softly.

"I need time to think about it," he replied, sinking back into his chair. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and kissed his forehead tenderly. He sighed, gazing at me with a mix of emotions.

"Do you want to be alone...?" I inquired, hoping he'd say no.

"I don't know. Stay if you want; I don't care," he replied, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. I climbed into his lap and attempted to hug him, but my growing belly made it a bit awkward.

The baby kicked, and I knew Ben felt it too. He glanced at my belly and then at me.

"I need space... to breathe," he admitted.

"What?" I said, feeling hurt.

"You're putting pressure on my stomach," Ben explained.

"Oh... sorry," I said softly.

To be continued...