Is This Happiness

68

CARMEN

"Not so fast lovely." An unfamiliar voice appears from behind me, and if it wasn't for the hand that covers my mouth entirely. I would have thought the voice was merely in my head. A man grabs ahold of me, bruising my body as his arms hold me close enough to his chest to restrain me. My legs kick up as a reflex wanting out, but no luck. I'm pulled further away from Giovanni's door, mentally praying he would open it and punish my attacker.

"All alone, what a shame. You smell fucking good what a lucky man he is, huh?" I shiver at the mans nose smothered in between my hair and neck. His southern accent catches me by surprise, not that i've heard one in person before, but it came off as fake. I can tell he's an older man by the sound of his aging voice, it was rough as his dirty hands. I try breaking my arms loose, feeling tears threaten to slip when I realize there is no way of escaping him.

I wasn't completely scared, but annoyed.

"What a lucky man." He repeats his words, as once wasn't enough. Although his hands never roamed, probably afraid if he did i'd break free and scream my lungs out. His dry hand is so tight over my mouth, my lips couldn't move. I continue to groan from behind his hand as he drags my further down the hallway, until we stop at a door.

What a fucking night.

Knocking harshly, I try wiggling my way out once again wanting to see his face. If I could, I would have the upper hand. He bangs again, cursing lowly, but not in another language. He didn't know italian, clearly. He wasn't supposed to be here. The door is opened, like a creak. With no light illuminating from behind. Only darkness, darkness that i'm suddenly pushed into, but somehow I knew it would happen. I can't think clearly as I start to take big breaths.

Composing myself from the mans grimy hands. His large hand covered my nose and mouth, finally I can breathe. I step back to lean against the door blinking wildly. Did I want to stay here or go back out to the man? My body moves to bang on the door. Louder and harder by the seconds. My fists drum onto the door as I heaved. The man had locked it from the outside, leaving me to whoever was in the room that I felt watching me. Through the darkness, I felt a presence.

"Let me out!" I bang onto the door more.
I continue begging for my escape before every bone in my body stills. Chills take over, from head to toe. My breathing stops as I forget how. My head turns to the side, not that I could see his face, or want to.

"Carmen." I jump, slamming my back against the locked door. Letting my fingers claw at the door. My eyes travel, straining to find a face to the voice, yet I can't. I feel Jason's hand touch my shoulder, frightening me even more. I rip it away, only shoving him backwards with both of my palms to his chest.

"Turn the light on." Silence fills the pitch black room. And not another word is said. Only the sound of our heavy breathing is heard. He lets out a low groan when I push my hands into his chest for the second time. Meaning to make it hurt. I shove him with all I have, and harshly.

"Turn the fucking light on!" I shriek, becoming done with this day. I want to sleep, I don't want to deal with this. I shouldn't have to deal with this. I've had enough. How and why is he here?
Within seconds the room is lit up. His face is shown to me and surprisingly not even one bruise. No scratches, no scars. He was clean.

"Why are you alive? How are you alive, Jason?" I ask him in disgust. The day he was dragged out of Stefano's office. I never thought that I would see his face again. Assuming he would be killed or torture for information. Even thrown back to his trifling gang before being back here again.

I stare at the reason i'm here in the face.

"I wanted to see you and wish you a happy birthday." He was not being honest, nowhere near it. His eyes were staring me down, shrinking me to be below him.

It's hard for me to accept or even realize that I can't fully blame him for all of this. I can't put full blame on Jason for bringing me into this, because the mafia has always been apart of my life. The mafia chose me before I was born. Starting with my father, who tried his fucking best to make a better life for my mother and me, and Jax when he came along.

I didn't know growing up that I would be here. Always thinking all of my hard work through the years would be paid off and i'd be in my dream school. I got that, for a few months. But it lead me back here, like it always will. Like I pray it will, all of this lead me to Stefano, for which i'm selfish enough to say i'm glad. But life just works in a way you'll never understand.

"I just wanted to see you, Carmen." I can't help but laugh loudly at his words. Thinking of every little thing he's put me and my family through, leading up to this moment. He didn't care, he could careless about me or anyone besides himself for that matter. How do you fake a friendship for years, how could you? He has absolutely no fucking clue.

Sleepless nights i've laid awake thinking of everything i've said to him. Everything that I have trusted him to keep to himself. My deepest darkest secrets. Because that's what best friends are for. Now I realize that it was always one sided. I was blinded by the fact someone actually wanted to be my friend growing up.

"You don't care about me, Jason. Stop lying through your teeth, it's embarrassing." I hiss, looking into his darkened, soulless eyes. Feeling sorry for who he once was before, because that person doesn't exist anymore, and never will, probably never did. I actually feel sorry for him, who would have thought.

He blamed me when he first arrived. I won't and can't just forget how he blamed me. He accused me of lying to Stefano and his family. And the fear I felt when Stefano accused me. I can't and won't go through that again, ever.

"Oh but I do." He smiles, walking closer to me.

"No, get away from me." I say, sounding vulnerable. He shakes his head before sucking on his teeth. He looks back up at me for a second longer, suddenly moving to turn the light back off.

"You're going to do something for me. See it as an eye for an eye." He speaks sarcastic, letting his hand wrap around my throat, squeezing. Not even close to my face or body, his arm is extended as if it burnt him to touch me.

"Jason." I panic, reaching up to try and take it off. Breathing heavier, he pushed me into a near by wall, sinking his fingers into my neck a bit. Not enough to leave a mark, though it may feel like it.

"I won't." I fight his hands feeing him release. I gulp, trying to find the light switch with my hands. Only finding his chest, and feeling the rumble of his deep laughter.

"My Don.." He starts, being cut off.

"He's not a fucking Don. He's a pathetic waste! A gangster. And so the fuck are you. What you think you can manipulate me into being a rat in my own mafia?" I seethe, feeling my knuckles pop as I clench my hands into fists.

"Your mafia?" I see him grin when I finally find the light switch. He laughs in my face, even bending over to add more to it.

"Yes my mafia, and i'll be dammed if you fuck around with these people behind my back. They're my family now Jason, if you fuck with them you fuck with me, and you really don't want to do that. So think clearly before you .." I get cut off from my own words, laughing.

"Think that gangster boss of yours will.. what's the word? Give a fuck about you, avenge you, once your head is beneath my feet, before your lifeless body is buried six feet or better yet thrown in the ocean somewhere." I speak, remembering something i've heard Stefano say to one of his men before. Only my version was like a rainbow with unicorns, his was red.

He didn't take my words as a joke this time. He glared at me, walking closer. I don't stand down, looking into his eyes, I feel an urge i've never felt before. The pure feeling of rage. My heart pumps against my chest as thoughts of ways I could make him disappear flash by.

Jason clenched his jaw.

"Walk away, I don't.. I fucking care about you, Carmen. If you're smart you won't tell that unfaithful husband of yours that we had this conversation." He wants me to crack in front of him. Yet only a smile breaks into my lips. Did he expect me to believe him?

Disappearing when he switched the light back off. My eyes widen, feeling the floor move underneath my feet, resembling the feeling of running. My hand flew to where I knew the light was, flipping it on. To see an empty room.

He fucking escaped.