Is This Happiness

1

PART 1

I wake up with a loud groan. Say, sleeping on a couch isn't exactly comfortable. And waking on a Saturday morning to pure silence wasn't the least bit norm for my family. Circulating in my head, false scenarios become a main topic of my imagination.

If the people with guns wanted to shoot me, I'd be dead. You can easily kick through a window or door. I'm here, i'm okay, i'm alright.

The creak of a floor interrupts my thoughts as I prop my head up from behind the couch to see nothing there.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Turning my neck to see my small family with large smiles, my mouth falls open. The purple frosted cake held by my mother's hands remind me of what day it is.

"Is that today?" I ask brutally honestly. I did actually forget about my birthday. My senior year had been anything but easy. Leaving my mind like an unscrambled puzzle. I'd dedicated my time and energy towards it, hell if this hadn't have happened. I would have thought it was just another school day.

Since before I can remember, school was my top priority. Seeing as my mother graduated from an ivy league, she expects the same from me. Never bothering to ask what I truly wanted but only assuming, and I let her.

I make the people around me happy, that's what I've always tried to do. It didn't matter what I wanted. I was okay with that, sadly.

"What do you mean you forgot? You've been counting down your eighteenth since you were seven!" My mother exclaimed causing the purple blob to shake. Every year she's baked me a cake. The ugliest shade of purple you could think of. It was her favorite color and she made it known. Purple, purple, purple.

It was true, I had been marking down the big day since I was seven. Eventually giving up around age nine. At that young age my birthdays started to become less of a big deal to me. A core memory of mine was when my father lost his job, and that year I vividly remember my mother and father sitting me down to break the news.

They explained to me that they simply couldn't afford to throw me a birthday party. I understood, getting over my initial hurt. Acting as if it was okay, that I was okay with it. I wasn't, but they didn't know that. They never will.

Instead of complaining, or crying. I had them pinky promise me I'd get a big cake. I've gotten that big cake every birthday since. And I was okay with it.

"Mom, barney again?" I said as I blew out a single candle topping the center. She knows exactly how I feel about the color purple.

"Do you want the cake or not, Carmen?" I reach out for it, only to watch it be yanked away from my face and out of arms reach.

"Happy birthday sweetheart." Dad enveloped me in a big hug. Squishing my head into his chest, and nearly breaking my neck in the process. I gasp for breath when he lets go, pulling me up and pushing me towards the kitchen.

"Thank you, and thank you for the cake." I run over to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Can we eat? You guys are taking too long." Jax complained as he and dad made it to the kitchen table. Every Saturday morning mom made sure to have a big breakfast made for all of us, it was like tradition. It was our time together between all of our busy schedules.

"Carmen Rosetta Jones!" I choke on the orange juice i'm drinking as I look up to see Jax grinning evilly my way.

"Amen?" I ask, getting a pointed look from her before she raised her magazine to smack me with it.

Dad extends his hand, giving me a small wrapped box with a bright purple bow on top, of course, presents. I raise my eyes to see the looks on their faces as my hands open it from below.