From Barcelona To...

Chapter 120 - I Lose Control

A few weeks later...

Ellies P.O.V

I've had a lot of time to think since I left. Do I regret walking out? Of course I do. Did I go into fight or flight mode? Yeah, and I ended up choosing flight. I lost myself for a while, deep down probably since I first got injured, but maybe it was underlying before then and ultimately it cost me my relationship with Leah. But as much as I regret it, I do think with less pressure it has helped me to start digging myself out of a hole I found myself in. Whilst I was at home, I got myself into a rut, that I couldn't seem to get myself out of, and although at first I was devastated, I think taking myself out of that situation has meant I could start to think a bit more clearly. I've had my pity party, there are far worse things happening in the world and now all I can do is try to be the best Mum I can be to Archie and focus on my recovery. I still have hope that one day the universe will bring Leah and I back together, I'm a big believer in fate, and everything happens for a reason and maybe this was meant to happen. I just hope one day, fate will also bring us back together, because I still believe Leah and I are meant to be, she is my person. 

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Leah's P.O.V

The season is well underway now and to be honest it's been a good distraction from everything that has happened between Ellie and I. My schedule has been crazy with football, events and of course with Archie, who seems to be growing so fast now. Although Ellie and I have still tried to stick to a routine, it's not been as easy as it was throughout the summer, Ellie is continuing with her rehab and her other commitments have stepped up more now too for sponsors and she has been working with the local community with the club, which I'm pleased for her as rehab is tough and lonely, I can see she is still very much tunnel vision on her recovery but I'm glad it's not the only thing she has to focus on, it's good to have a break from constantly thinking about returning to the pitch. We still see plenty of each other, but normally only when it revolves around Archie, our schedules are not always the same now, if Ellie finishes earlier than me, she will go back home to spend time with Archie and take over from Mum until I get back, or if I finish earlier, I will go home and Ellie comes over when she's finished, we both still do bath and bed together with him though, when we can. Ellie doesn't have Archie over night, not because she can't, but she's still at the hotel and it's not practical for Archie to stay over there, so we both agreed until she finds an apartment, Archie wouldn't stay over at the hotel with her.

Ellie and I were not just partners, we were also best friends. And despite everything, as heartbreaking as it still is, for both us, I'm glad we are civil, in fact more than that, we are still friends, or trying to be. Yes, it's hard, deep down both of us are still heartbroken but it's clear the love we have for each other, is not just because we share a child together. I can't speak for Ellie, but I'm still very much in love with her.

Understandably, it took me a little while to come to the terms Ellie and I are no longer together, I sometimes still don't think its real but I had to learn to accept it, for my own sake. The environment Ellie and I found ourselves in leading to the break up was like a pressure cooker until it finally blew. We both made many mistakes during that time and I'd be lying if I said part of me wasn't relieved, for all of us, to be out of that situation.

I have noticed Ellie does seem much happier over the last few weeks, part of me couldn't be happier for her, but part of me wonders whether the reason is because we aren't together anymore. Maybe it wasn't all just about the injury, maybe she just...wasn't as happy as I thought she was, with me and it's the injury that brought it all to the surface, or made her realise she wasn't happy.

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"You're supposed to be getting him settled for bed, not winding him up" I laugh lightly as I watch Ellie bounce the mattress either side of Archie, who is loving life, as he bops up and down on the bed after we bathed him