Once In A Lifetime

Bad Thoughts

Seth's POV

My life was turned upside down again. I didn't know how to deal. My heart hurt so much. I didn't know what to do. Last time she left me, I knew I deserved it. But this time, I didn't. I knew this. But she didn't. I understood why she was hurt, why she was upset. But she refused to hear me out. That is how I knew she was through with me. Last time, there was a glimmer of hope as she still communicated with me. This time, she refuse to answer my calls, see me, or answer my text, well for the most part. The first couple days after I left, I kept trying to call and text. She finally texting me telling me to leave her alone and if I wanted to see the kids, to contact her mother. She never texted me again. This hurt like no other. She was really done. I felt so hopeless with it all. Rachael and I try to see her. I sat in the car as Rachael tried to convince her to at least talk to me. Instead, she blew up at Rachael. Angry that she brought me over. I saw her in for a brief moment, was the first time I saw her since I left and the last time I did. I would call her mom and ask to see the kids, she would bring them to me for a few hours and leave them with me. Last time I saw them, I asked her mother when she picked them up, "How is she?"

"Seth, please don't put me in the middle or choose sides. She is my daughter. She doesn't want me to talk about her to you." She almost begged. I could tell it hurt her too.

I nodded in understanding. I hated this. I wanted to be at home with my wife and kids. This wasn't something I wanted. I didn't ask for this. But she wouldn't hear from Rachael or me to hear the full story. Even Rachael found evidence to prove what I happened actually happened. But Lissa wouldn't even talk to any of us to hear it out. I didn't know what else to do. My depression got bad. I was staying with my sister as Rachael didn't want me to be alone. I really didn't want to be alone either. I still worked but to me it felt pointless. I got to my sister's house after work and she was in the kitchen, cooking. I didn't say anything, I was heading straight to my room. All I did was stay there as I was too depress to want to be around anyone. Rachael stopped me. "Seth, you need to spend time with us."

"Rachael, I just want to go to bed." I breathed.

"This isn't health. Please, at least have dinner with us." She almost begged.

"Not tonight." I said.

She sighed, the grabbed a big envelop and said, "You got something in the mail."

I was a bit confused by this as I didn't forward my mail. I looked at her as I grabbed it and asked, "What is it?"

She shrugged. "It's your mail. Not mine."

I walked to the counter and opened it. I pulled out a stake of papers out of the envelop. I looked over it and I saw what it was. I dropped them on the counter. My eyes filled with tears. Rachael noticed my reaction and asked, "What is it?"

She walked over and looked at them as they were now on the counter. She saw them and her eyes widened. "Oh, god!" She looked at me as her expression soften and she said, sympathetically, "I'm so sorry."

"She actually filed for a divorce." I almost choked out. It hurt me to the core.

Rachael moved over to me and touched my arm, gently. "Seth, I don't know what to say. Just know we are here for you."

I didn't say anything. It was too much to consume. I just moved away from her and upstairs. I walked into the room I was staying in. I closed the door and moved my back to the door. I slide down as I broke down in tears. I sat on the ground and pulled my knees to my chest as I cried into them. I felt like my life was over at this point.